A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so there is a girl at work who I get on with really well, we have loads in common and we are really on the "same page" with all our thoughts/opinions. I'm 22 and she is 19. I like her, but she has a boyfriend of two years. All of my colleagues say what a good couple we would make. They tell me that since she has met me she is questioning her relationship with this other guy. She has told me herself that she doesn't know if she wants to stay with him. She also compliments me a lot, and was asking me if I had met anyone else since a relationship I ended a while ago. I haven't. I'm fairly sure she likes me, but I don't really know how to tell her. The only way I can think of is to take her for drinks or something and just tell her outright how I feel (not in a crazy way, just to let her know I like her, and that I respect she is in a relationship and the decision is hers as to weather she wants to be with me or not etc.)Is this a good idea?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2014): Oh jesus, there's one born every minute.
OP have you never had this happen as a teenager or something?
Because that's when most guys learn the whole "my boyfriend is so shit, why can't he be like you" damsel in distress routine. I know I did, much to my cost at the time but it's a very valuable lesson.
You're basically a white knight sucked into the idea of coming to the rescue but the fact remains if he's such a shitty boyfriend that's good enough why is he still with him?
Are you really that stupid to believe she somehow thinks you're so amazing that she can't help herself or some shit?
You need to get yourself out of this mess not dig this hole further. OP she's the type of girl who is going to eat you for breakfast as a rebound. She may in fact dump her boyfriend and try you out, but then she'll just realise you're not him and she didn't want saving. Worst of all this is a girl you work with. So not only are you shitting on your own doorstep here thinking with your penis instead of your head, but you're also setting yourself up a reputation as a cheating scumbag who doesn't respect the relationships of others. Which is not the kind of reputation you want to build in the work place.
Not only will this not go well for you but you'll probably lose your job too.
Oh and never pay any attention to people who say you'd be perfect for each other. People don't know shit when it comes to people who will or won't work. The fact that people even talk about you and her means you really talk too much about her in work and she knows this and may end up using you as a escape route from her relationship, and a woman like that is one you can't trust either.
Maybe you understand the concept of friendzone and that douchebag who becomes the shoulder the cry on for a girl who has "problems" with her boyfriend. That's you. You're that slimy dick that can't get his own woman and tries to sneak around the back of other people's relationships. I don't respect people like that do you? People who get cosy with other people's girlfriends? Would you be okay with someone doing that to you? Because she certainly would. She'll most definitely have no problem finding someone else she deems better than you any time she wants because that's what's happening with you, if you think you're just so amazing that you're the only guy who will ever show her interest then you're in for a rude awakening.
It's nothing personal, OP but seriously look at what you're doing here. It won't work out for you, and it won't leave you looking too good in the eyes of others either. You'll learn quite a bit from this though because I'm completely sure you're going to go ahead with it anyway.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 February 2014):
 I agree with WiseOwlE
No, you keep your mouth shut. SHE has a BF. You "declaring" your crush is going to make it awkward for HER and for you at work.
BE professional.
Even if she "question" her relationship she is STILL with him. Last but not least HOW would you FEEL if this was YOUR GF and some dude at work had a crush and HAD the tell her, hit on her? JUST because she has been friendly and open with him?
You say you "respect" her being in a relationship, so if that is actually true, you DO NOT tell her. She knows or have an inkling that you like her already, unless she is really dense. (and she is choosing to stay with her BF nevertheless).
Have a little common sense.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2014): You don't declare your feelings to women with boyfriends.
That's a desperate move. Especially when they are co-workers. I don't care what your other co-workers say. Even if she's complaining about her relationship. Let her get rid of him first, if he's such a problem. You'll create tension at work telling someone you have the hots for them.
Yes, it's only the hots or infatuation if she already has a boyfriend and you know it. Hitting on women at work can turn into a nightmare. If she's having relationship problems, her feelings can be fickle. She'll use you, then dump you when things miraculously get better between her and her boyfriend.
If you think telling her how you feel will expedite her ditching her boyfriend; you're wasting your time. She may only like you in a platonic sense. You could be reading too much into it. Wishful thinking. Men want more, what we can't have. With all the available women out there, you have to have some other guys girlfriend.
Why did you break up with your last girlfriend?
Get a grip, dude!
So many foolish guys try that tactic and only end-up the rebound guy. She'll breakup. He'll beg and plead for her to take him back. She'll be inundated with his calls and messages. Even worse, you'll be caught up in her after-breakup drama, and it will not be about you. It will be about him.
After the breakup, the minute her ex-boyfriend finds a new girlfriend. She will become an emotional wreck. Nothing you can say or do, will console her. It takes months to get over a breakup. Look back at what you went through. Let that be your guide.
Just be a nice work-buddy. Find a girl who's single and available. Gain control over your crush. It's only because she's familiar, pretty, and conveniently handy.
Your lonely heart is playing tricks on you. It does that after you've broken up with someone, and you haven't been actively dating since your breakup. She's under your nose all day. Naturally you're going to check her out in an inappropriate way. She's within arms reach.
Meet some other women and stay busy until she decides on her own, when to breakup with her boyfriend. Don't assume the position of being a home-wrecker. What goes around, comes around.
That's under-handed, and the karma is a living hell. You don't know the guy, so you have no right to assume they can't work it out. Don't put yourself on hold waiting either. That's also desperate. You need to get out more.
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