A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Really need some advice!My girlfriend finished me a few months ago because she hated the LDR we were in. We got along amazingly well but she hated not seeing me. We had been together about 6 months and everything was perfect, the best relationship i have ever had. Then i had to move abroad for 18 months and in the first month she got depressed because i was no longer there.As a result she decided to finish the relationship and said that she really wanted to give it another go when i was back and really wanted to be friends.I was pretty upset but was happy that she wanted to get back together.After 2 months she got back with her ex as he had moved back home. (They initially split up because he moved away for a while and because she cheated on him.Im now in a dilemma, we havent spoken since they got back together because im struggling to come to terms with it but i havent told her this. As far as she knows i am fine and am just very busy and therefore not contacted her. Im in two minds whether to contact her and unsure what to do? I feel if i dont contact her i may have lost her forever and i may have no chance with her in the future (Seems very unlikely now she back with her ex) but i think im still hoping. But if i do contact her it might bring back feelings and just hurt me more. I really feel i want to tell her how much i miss her because she doesnt realise this and im thinking by doing that she may think twice about finishing the relationship and going back to her ex.Or maybe i just forget and move on and really hope i find someone better which seems very unlikely. I just think i may regret not making an attempt to show my feelings.I think she thinks i dont care but i do and do miss her!Im confused what to do and need advise please?Thank you for any comments in advance.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 I think you should let the past go and it is not to anyone's advantage to confess your feelings for her when you have broken up.
If you are meant to be together , your path will cross again in the future and if she is available you can then continue your friendship and start all over again.
If she is married or attached , it means that she was not the one for you .
Move on ,it would not change anything even if you had told her your feelings. She probably knew how you felt about her in her heart.
A
male
reader, A Man +, writes (7 April 2010):
I will start out by saying that it is very common in my culture for 20 year olds to go abroad to serve a 2 year mission for their church. I am one such missionary. I saw hundreds of guys in the same situation your in.
Girls would promise to stay together, but once a few months passed, they would dump them and start dating someone else. We came to the realization that it's unfair to ask someone to wait 2 years for us. LDR's are extremely difficult, especially for girls. Girls rarely realize how depressing it is until they are actually in the situation. Don't feel betrayed, it was just impossibly hard for her.
So the tactic many of us developed was to let them go, mostly. I say mostly because there is still a chance that when you get back, she could be available to try it again. We would write them (calling wasn't allowed on a mission for our church, to many missionaries spending all day on the phones) and tell them that we still cared deeply about them and would be thinking about them often. We would then say if it would be okay to contact them once we got back to see if they were available.
Most girls loved the idea. But I must warn you, whether we did this or not, 98% of our girls were either married or in a serious relationship when we got back. The girls NEED for a normal relationship is Uber powerful, and overrides any feelings for their LDR man. When two people (friends or girlfriends) part paths, its very difficult to re-entwine them. So it's really best to let go.
I know it seems unlikely, even impossible, that you'll ever find love like that again. But your wrong. All my friends got back and found other girls that they married. Many of them are very happy that their old Girlfriends found someone else, because now they are married to the girl they "really" wanted to be with. I laugh at this because this is how they felt about their old Girlfriends.
Anyway, I hope my experiences helped you, good luck in your new life :)
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