A
male
age
30-35,
*.A.S.
writes:Hey there...so this is a follow up to this question:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/parents-slip-us-up-when-they-smelled-weed.htmlI suggest reading that to get the full story. I felt it was alright to make a new Question as it is something new.I guess I'll kick in where I left off..after seeing my ex on Thursday I thought everything was going great. She had a soccer game that was vital to her teams rankings so I messaged her good luck and to tell me how the game went.She went on Facebook and didnt reply, she also didnt reply to me just saying "Hey how is it going" through the chat. Around the same time she accepted an invite to her Ex Boyfriends Hockey Party. Her and her Ex dated for two years but there relationship was terrible. He lied to her, was aggressive with her and overall an asshole. They ended up breaking up and he constantly called/txt'd her he even began stalking her. After three months of them breaking up her and I got together and throughout our relationship he made her life hell.Now I am confused as to why after all these months she's deciding to go to a party he is hosting after making it very clear she didnt want anything to do with him.So I waited it out a few days and then finally my suspicions were starting to get into my head. To be honest Dear Cupid Forum's I have been feeling like since a month and a half ago when we broke up that I would slowly lose the Woman I love. She hasnt really made much of an attempt to message me back or talk to me but I kept denying myself this was the case. I started to realize though this week.So I called her up and told her I'd like to talk to her in person. I had planned on telling her what she ment to me, and to give her a note. The Note was not a "I want you back" note...it was a note that told her what i thought of her.It was a note to give her strength and encouragment...she has self asteem issues and I wanted her to know that to me she was beautiful, that she could come to me for anything with no pressure and that she had a chance to change her life whenever she wanted. She often remarks that "These are the cards I was delt and now I have to deal with them", yet she never deals with issues...sometimes I feel she is just complacent with running away from things.Back on track. She told me she was uncomfortable seeing me in person. I was sad and shocked to hear this and I asked her why. She told me it was because she doesn't know what to think of me anymore. I told her that there is no pressure I just wanted to figure some stuff out but she wouldnt have any of it. Finally I asked her if she was avoiding me and she said yes.She told me she's trying to move on and that on Thursday when we had hung out it took alot for her to hold her emotions back and how she wanted to act. She told me she wants to move on with her life and that talking to me makes it hard. When I tried to tell her that she ment alot to me and that she was worth fighting for (In regards to standing up to her parents) she would have none of it. She told me "Do I have to get you mad at me for you to stop?" she used a tone on me I had only heard her use with her Ex James. And thats what scares me the most DearCupid Forums. Im scared of losing this Woman..this is a Woman that has been close to me since we were kids (13 years old) this is a Woman that has come to me for everything, that knows she can trust me. And now shes acting completely different. And I am worried that life may be taking control of her emotions. Her Grandpa is Dying and she has family issues. Shes been going out and clubbing a little bit more lately which isnt like her as she has said she hates the clubbing scene....im worried shes looking for "Love" in all the wrong places.What do I do DearCupid? How do I keep her close without pushing her away? I feel like shes running away from something that she can fight for. It hurts that after all these years and all we know of each other that she couldnt even talk to me like a normal person..she talked to me like she was furious with me.Im sorry DearCupid Forum if I am coming off as crazy. Love does terrible things to you...and I am heartbroken, I didnt even know I could cry so much. So help me here Dear Cupid. I suppose my question is. What do you do in this kind of situation? Do I just completely remove myself from her life? We were friends for 6 years before we were in a relationship and I cherish that. I dont want to be forgot by her so what do I do?How do I handle this situation I am so lost!Thank you
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broke up, clubbing, facebook, heartbroken, her ex, move on, my ex, stalking Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 No dont give her a valentines card and id advice against the note. You tried to tell her how you felt but she didnt want to hear it therefore she is not going to want to read the note either. She probably knows already how you feel about her and she probably doesnt want to read it from a note because it will make things so much harder for her. You need to leave her be and if she needs your help then am sure she will turn to you if she wants to. But you really need to give her space and dont contact her at all. Put all your time and effort in to mending your heart not try and punish it even more.
A
male
reader, B.A.S. +, writes (17 January 2011):
B.A.S. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for putting up with me all of you. I have to admit my heart is hurting alot right now. I thought I forgot how to cry but apparently I can.
But thank you for the help. I planned on giving her a note...it wasnt about getting back together with her but more about what she means to me, that I'll always be there for her if she ever needs anything and that she can always trust me.
I've held onto it for a month I had'nt planned on giving it to her as things were looking good but now I feel I should. She didnt want to hear what I had to say and with the way her life is Im worried she wont have GOOD help when her Grandpa Pass's or if things with her Family get out of control...or hell if shes ever down.
When would be the appropriate moment to give this to her?
I was going to give her a Valentines Day card should I also include the note?
I dont plan on talking to her at all besides that Valentines day thing. The balls in her court now.
So when should I give her this note if at all. Should I even give her a Valentines day card?
Cheers
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A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 The best you can do is to leave her alone.Focus on yourself. Find your hapiness elsewhere. Goodluck
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (14 January 2011):
Well she has made it clear that she needs space at the moment for whatever reasons. Therefore you really need to respect her wishes and not contact her, let her have time to think about what she wants and let her contact you. To me she has made up her mind that she is moving on from you therefore for the moment i think you should accept this and move on. Ring your friends and go out and socialise with them. Pick up some new hobbies the secret is to keep yourself as busy as you can and give her that space that she obviously needs.
Goodluck.
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