A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Do I have to tell the guy who I believe I got herpes 1 from that I have it? It's HSV-1 ; the kind that gives people cold sores on their mouth. Well mine is on the genitals - a "gift" from his oral sex.He is the first person - the only person I have had sexual contact with since I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years two months ago. The outbreak happened just days after our encounter so I'm 99% sure it's him and not the ex. We had protected vaginal sex but doctor told me since it's HSV-1 it likely came from the oral. Thankfully it's hSV-1 and not 2. It's just like one small cut.When I wasn't feeling good right after I told this new guy and jokingly accuses him of giving me an STD and he said he has none. So I believe he does not know he has HSV-1 in his mouth, or thinks it's just a cold sore. So big moral question - since we've already been sexually active and I think he gave it to me - do I tell him ? To be honest, I don't want anyone to know or thinknof me as "herpes" girl. We run in te same small circle and it would be embarrassing. But if I don't say anything - he could give it to the next girl he goes down on?
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broke up, herpes, oral sex, std, vagina Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2010): http://www.herpesonline.org/hsv1vs2.html
Read the above informative article about the different types of Herpes virus and the misinformation that is responsible for much of the social stigma.
The truth of the matter is that about 60% of the population carries the HPV-1 virus which most often hides latently in nerves around the ears...and will outbreak orally athough it can outbreak in the genitals.
So a person cannot with 100% certainty say that any one person "gave" them herpes as it can hide for years in the body with absolutely no symptoms.
It can be transmitted both orally and genitally when there is an outbreak of a coldsore, and if you are certain that this man had one, then you need to educate him on the fact that he should avoid both kissing and oral sex when there is an outbreak like he had.
I am sorry that you did not know how contagious his coldsore would be to you engaging in oral sex. Now you know and hopefully you won't have further problems as HPV-1 usually does not reoccur with genital outbreaks with the frequency the other type does.
At least if I understand the article correctly.
So, would feel an obligation to tell the guy what happened but I would also say to him that he keep this inforomation private to avoid his own embarassment.
Take care.
A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 Hmm, you can give people genital herpies if you go down on someone when you have a cold sore. It is the same virus, it can just transfer to different sensitive areas like mouth and genitals. You should never ever do it, it's very contageous! My boyfriend won't even kiss me when he has a cold sore because once you have the virus in your bloodstream it will never totally go away. Like wart viruses. You can get cold sores again and again. They can just randomly flare up anytime. Luckily I have never had one.
I think you should casually ask this guy if he has ever had a cold sore and did he have one around the time of your oral sex. If he says no its possible he didn't give it to you, so don't mention it. If on the other hand he says yes, then it's in his best interests to know that he shouldn't go down on girls when he has a cold sore. He might not know and should be greatful to find out. He's been thoughtless giving you this virus and he's to blame not you so don't feel embarraced. It's life. If he acts immaturly and tells people you have herpes give it right back and tell everyone he gave it to you! Or threatening to do this should keep his mouth shut :)
Hope this helps :)
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