A
female
age
30-35,
*elples
writes:im in a ldr. i came down to see him this weekend. on my way here, driving, he asked if i was going to come see him. his mother said no because itll be 11 pm by the time i got to miami. however, he and his brother are allowed to go to their friends house since they havent seen this friend in three weeks. mind you, i havent seen him in a month. well i was still driving while i was on the phone, and he asks me, can i see you later? at four in the morning!! i said if i was awake but it upsets me so much that im not here all the time and he doesnt come to see me. i havent shown it yet but my mom even said hes losing his touch but she might be just saying that because shes my mom, ya'know? well do i have the right to tell him off? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (10 October 2009):
 I still think she just didn't like the idea of you and him alone late at night. I think you should be more angry with his mother than you should be with him. If you are happy with him and he is someone with whome you want be, I don't see how breaking up will make you any happier and I still don't think lashing out at him is a mature thing to do. If you have a problem with something he did, speak to him about it and tell him how you feel and wait for an explanation. ~Sy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): I get it, he is taking you for granted and that hurts.
Like I said long distance relationships are filled with frustration and they don't work.
Why don't you end your suffering and end the relationship and start focusing on yourself and life where you are now.
If he is still young enough to be living at home by his mother's rules then this is not going anywhere any way.
So instead of ruining your friendship with guilt trips and lashing out when you don't get your way, agree to amicably end the strings and give each other your freedom which means breaking up the boyfriend/girlfriend thing.
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A
female
reader, Helples +, writes (10 October 2009):
Helples is verified as being by the original poster of the question he knew i was coming down this weekend and his mom allowed him and his brother to go out, after she told him no to me, to see their friend that they havent seen in three weeks. we havent seen each other in a month. his friend lives a few blocks from me. and he wanted to come see me after he finished hanging out with his friend. im not here all the time but his friend is. thats what had me upset. is it still confusing?
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (10 October 2009):
Oh and by the way, Lashing out never delutes an issue. It creates a fire and makes people sensative and angry. It's best to use an "I statement." I know it sounds lame but for instance:
"Hi honey. I've been a little upset lately and I just wanted to tell you, that I feel sad and slightly disgusted when you drop your eye crusties in my ramen noodles. I would have a much less disturbing time sharing meal time with you if you would use restraint when you feel the idea of a juevenile action crossing your mind. I don't think you would be happy if the situation were reversed so please, use a tissue for your bodily secretions."
As oppposed to:
"You sick sonofab****! What the hell are you doing dropping crap from your eyes in my pasta! Are you mental?!"
I hope you see the difference.
Peace, serenity. Life is what you make it.
~Sy.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (10 October 2009):
I am honstly not seeing why you are mad at him. His mother told him he couldn't see you right? And you said he asked if he could see you at 4? Six hours after you arrived? Or did he call you at four and ask to see you later? I'm not sure I have this story straight. Is he disobeying his mom to see you later? If so, at least he is trying and risking punishment. If not, he'd rather see you when he knows he won't get into trouble for it.
His mom probably didn't want him to see you so late at night for the same reason that all moms keep their gender away from the opposite sex late at night. She doesn't like to think that you'd meet up and have hot midnight sex. That's a very traumatic thought in a mother's head. Though mine is only 3 months old, i told her to grunt if she she promised to not let a boy touch her until she is at least 35 years old. She grunted, therefore promising. And I will raise her to never break a promise so eventhough she won't remember this particular promise, I am counting on her to keep it. So i'm a little irrational but that's how moms get!
Anyway..
I don't see a reason to tell him off. No, he's not seeing her the second you arrive but he did call and ask to see you later. Give him a break because you did surprise him! That's what I assume when you say on your way there, he called and asked if you were planning on coming. That to me says, he didn't know you were on your way. And to arrive so late at night? I don't think you have any telling off rights. This relationship might get better when he's away from mummy and can go places when he wishes and see people at no one else's consent. It's late. Have a cup of coffee and clear your head before you lash out.
~Sy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): I think you have the right to tell him good bye. Long distance relationships are frustrating, painful and they don't work, especially when you are living at home with your mother.
Say good bye, don't tell him off, it isn't all his fault he is only 18 and lives at home.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): I think you have the right to tell him good bye. Long distance relationships are frustrating, painful and they don't work, especially when you are living at home with your mother.
Say good bye, don't tell him off, it isn't all his fault he is only 18 and lives at home.
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