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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm in a serious relationship with the man of my dreams who I love dearly, and want nothing more than to make the best love ever with him, but there's just one little problem. Even though we're both ready and raring to go, everytime the situation gets to the point of where he's trying to get my pants off me or his pants off him, I put it to a hault. I don't know why, I just do. I somehow get him to stop doing whatever he's doing that i don't want done by either telling him to stop or physically making him stop and slow it down to where I'm actually comfortable and tell him "one of these days I'm gonna suprise both of us and not hold anything back and give him the works" and being the great guy he is he doesn't pressure it. The weird part about the situation is that if he trys to get down my pants with them actually on to finger me or whatever, I'm usually pretty comfortable with that, but I'm not when it comes to anything "down there" on him or on me once the pants come off. I've had sex with one guy so i'm not a virgin, but that was only becuse it was all the attention i could get from him, and I was the same way in those situations as i am in my relationship now. I dreaded going down on him, or either of us without our pants on. I've heard about the phobia of sex, but not sure if thats me or not. I think my case is that I think I look weird "down there" and I'm "intimidated" by a penis and don't know how good my skills are on one lol. I want to please my man, but I am sooo nervous to, and don't know what to do. Please help! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2006): This is a very sensative, personal issue. You have to make sure that you move things at a slower pace, keeping it within your "tolerable discomfort" level. I say that because if you always keep it only where you are comfortable, you will never progress to becoming comfortable with his body and yours. Just make sure things don't go beyond tolerable discomfort. I also suggest that instead of trying to make these advances while in the heat of the moment, you do this at a more subdued time, with no sexual intent. Explore your partner's penis and testis as much as you can handle at a time, but do it at a time that is completely non-sexual, so you don't have to feel pressured. Also allow your partner to view you naked or partially naked without sexual intent so that you can become comfortable with him seeing your body. Discuss all this with him so that he can have an idea for what to expect. Remember that this is your time to explore each other and get to know each other's bodies, without it having to be sexual. The pressure is off. Take it step by step, and don't overwhelm yourself. You can learn to become comfortable with his body and with your own, but it will take time. Be patient, and ask for your partner's patience, which it seems he is fully willing to give. You're lucky to have such a respectful man. I hope this has helped. I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything works out okay for you in the end. Be brave!
~RJGirl
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