Do I have cause to think he might be cheating on me or am I being paranoid?

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues

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Question - (22 October 2008)

5 Answers - (Newest, 22 October 2008)

A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I made arrangements with my boyfriend and some of our friends to go out for my birthday last weekend (Sat eve/all day Sun). Up until the Wednesday of last week he seemed very enthusiastic, but then he text me saying 'shall we see what the weather is like on Sun?' in reference to my birthday outing on the Sunday. I confided in a friend that it struck me as a weird comment and that I felt there was something more to it than what he was telling me. I had a gut feeling that he didn't want to go. When I told him that the weather was supposed to be great that weekend, he didn't respond with any enthusiasm at all.

He came out with us on Sat eve. He seemed absolutely fine and in top form. He had a fair amount to drink which I didn't think was wise given that we had a long day ahead of us.

Anyway, when my boyfriend woke up on Sunday morning he started to say he didn't feel so great. I have to say that I didn't believe him based on what he had said earlier in the week. He told me that he had been sick during the night but I wake up at the drop of a hat if someone moves or makes a sound and I wasn't woken up by anything that night. He said he had been feeling hot and then cold alot. Anyway, I asked him 'was it because of the drinks he had the previous night' and he got tetchy with me saying 'well that wouldn't make you go hot and cold all night, would it?' At this point I turned my back on him and stifled my tears (I was in rather severe pain with menstrual cramps and was feeling a bit more emotional than normal) because I was only trying to help him and the one person that I wanted to come along more than anything in the world was trying to tell me that we wouldn't be coming along. At first, he said that he should be ok to come along but he kept dithering and in the end I said to him 'what do you want to do?' and he said 'Well, there's no point in me coming along if I'm ill, is there?' He said to me that a male friend of mine commented that he looked really ill but I couldn't really see it to be honest and said 'well, you don't look too bad'.

Anyway, we all said our goodbyes and I heard my boyfriend laughing with one of our mates and I immediately thought 'well he can't be that ill, certainly not the way he is making out to me he is'.

When I was travelling up for my outing with a friend I confided in her that I thought maybe he was cheating on me because my feeling was that he had another appointment on that day. I then felt really guilty about saying it when her husband who travelled separately from us said to me 'I thought your boyfriend looked really ill earlier'.

Anyway, my boyfriend text me the following day to say he felt a little better and that he was going to try and eat something. I told him I was glad he was better but that I didn't think he had been interested in coming out on the Sunday based on his text about the weather earlier in the week. He hasn't responded yet.

I feel really bad now because these could have been innocent comments that I have strung together to make it into something negative. What do you guys think? Do I have cause to think he might be cheating on me or am I being paranoid? What do I do about this as I think I am displaying that I am not sure whether I trust him or not? I don't want not to trust him but at the same time I don't want to turn a blind eye if there is something funny going on.

View related questions: am I being paranoid, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008):

I am the poster of the question. Thank you for all your advice. Funnily enough, my friends think I give my boyfriend too much freedom because I am not clingy at all.