A
male
age
30-35,
*ozz
writes:Do I have any chance of winning her love back?I met this girl in the final year of school, she was the most mature, independent and beautiful woman I had met. We dated till the end of school and then broke up because we were moving to different cities. Fast forward two years and we got back together after keeping in touch a little (we both felt that our love was cut short due to moving away). We entered a long distance relationship and initially things were great, we were both very mature and understanding people so it worked well even with the distance. I on the other hand, had ghosts of my past, i was insecure due to an ex cheating on me and even deeper issues from childhood and eventually turned needy, insecure and oblivious to her needs and became demanding. I didnt understand her unique way of loving me and this year she snapped. After 3 years of long distance, she told me that she no longer felt the same and that she thought I didnt have an identity, that I need to find myself and grow and that she was no longer willing to wait around.She said that she doesn't think we are right for each other and we need to move on.Now the problem is, I knew that I had issues, I knew i had turned into an unattractive, childish and incompetent person (I lived at home through uni while she had moved out so I am not as good as her at taking care of myself). But I also knew that I wanted and needed to change, I just didn't have the opportunity through uni due to the tough nature of my degree and things that happened to me along the way. She said she empathized with all that but ultimately she couldn't stick around in the relationship as her feelings had changed.When she eventually did break up, a switch went off in me, I realised every way in which I had made mistakes and pushed her away. I understood exactly how she loved me, what kind of person she was and I found myself still in love with her. I am determined to change, i am taking steps towards that everyday but I do want her back, whether it takes 1 year or 2 or 4, I want her back because deep down in my heart I know it was my inability to grow up and deal with my issues that made me lose her. And i know i can change, i just need time. I am so worried about losing her in the meanwhile though, it'll hurt so bad. I would've preferred if this was just a break but what she said about moving on really scares me. She is a very independent woman who has never wanted to get married or be committed. Her motto is, I enjoy my own company and unless someone exceptional comes along, I am not looking for a relationship. I don't know if I can be perfectly what she wants but I know that I can definitely be a 100% better than who i am today.Do I have any hope?
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male
reader, kozz +, writes (13 December 2012):
kozz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you strongfp for your honest response. I hear what you are saying but the thing is, I knew that I wasn't right for her recently. When we got back together, i hadn't really worked on myself or put any other thought to it. As relationships go, the honeymoon period was bliss because my issues weren't tested and we had that connection where we could talk for hours or even just sit in silence and be happy. I went through a lot over the next few years and i became this ugly, unattractive person on the inside. I became bitter and i also didn't grow as a person. Whereas she did and I see it clearly, all the things i did or said that slowly contributed to her feeling like we are different people.
But i do realise now, even though its too late that I wasn't me. I was living with issues i should've long dealt with. And i am not a person that can never change etc, I am a very determined person and I know I will change, I have already begun to. So hence why, I think to myself that what she based her statement of not being right for each other, was a result of various factors, largely being who i had become over the last year or so of our relationship. She admitted herself that she never felt this way up until the last year. And i have been the worst person this year thanks to a tonne of stress.
Regardless, I don't mean to dismiss your advice, just thought I'd shed a bit more light on the situation and hopefully you might think differently. But in the meantime yes, I will focus on myself, rather than someone else or her because its me that is the problem, I will keep screwing up relationships with everyone as long as I don't fix myself.
Thank you for your time
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