A
female
age
41-50,
*abyblueeyes
writes:I have been with my boyfriend just over a year on and off and I am not sure how i feel about him anymore. He says he loves me and we see each other most evenings when he is home weekends, but through the day on a weekend he prefers to be with his cars and his garage instead of me and my two children.. He is 28, a few years younger than me but i would have thought he would be used to them by now. The children are 10 and 14 and so well behaved but he says he just finds it hard. He would rather have me on my own. He has his home which he has been trying to renevate for nearly 3 years and wont make an effort to do this. He would rather spend his money on his garage. One time he said he would do the house so we could all live together, but now he doesnt seem bothered and would rather eat and sleep at mine where it is much more comfortable. Some days i love him to bits and am happy with the situation but other days i wish he would put me first and talk about some sort of future. I have tried breaking it off with him but either i feel lonely after a few days or he talks me round. I have tried asking him what he wants in the future but he says he doesnt like to make plans incase they go wrong. I have myself and the children to think about though and I cant get through to him. Am i being too pushy??? Is he taking me for a ride??? Please help
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (2 March 2008):
 I agree with dearkelja, he is "comfortable" in this relationship and is quite happy living in the present with no high priority on a future with you and your kids. Your kids seem more of a burden to him and that would concern me big time! The "honeymoon" phase of this relationship is over and if he doesn't get a wake up call then things won't get any better. I would seriously take a break from him and don't fall for his charms to reel you back in. Let him see what it's like NOT to have you around.
Hopefully this will be the wake up call he needs and if he does have deep feelings for you with the hope of a future together then he'll get his act together. If he's happy to carry on during this break and doesn't get in touch then you have your answer and you and your kids are better off without him.
~Eve~
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 March 2008):
 He has got everything from you . You have given everything to him on a platter.
He is just like a parasite...sucking the life blood out of you.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (2 March 2008):
 I would be concerned about spending my life with a man who wasn't thrilled to be with my kids. They will be a major part of his life but if he can't seem to include them in his life after a year and a half, it isn't likely he would later.
Looking from the outside I would say this man is stalling. He isn't building you the home he talked about and he is avoiding any kind of committment.
He is in this relationship because it is comfortable and easy for him. You haven't been too pushy in my opinion. You do have a right to know where this relationship is going as you have your vested interest as well as your kids to be concerned about.
Why don't you take a break and try to live without this man. Don't let the lonliness get to you. Enjoy being with yourself. Lots of us are alone. I've always thought it would be better to have no relationship than one where the other person is half-heartidly committed. This man is not all there for you.
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