A
female
age
26-29,
*lightlyLost
writes:I'm in a bit of a mess and I don't know what to do - any help would be appreciated!There is a guy I like A, he is sweet, funny, smart ect. ect. We have known each other vaguely for a year or two but never really had conversations until a mutual friends 18th.We got into a long conversation and flirted a bit (he is quite a reserved person so it was quite mild flirting) We went our separate ways after an hour as he was ill because it was the first time he drank and he was under the weather anyway.Since then we have seen each other a few times in school and have spoken but never one to one, we have always been in a group of five or so.Around this time I have also started to talk to this other guy called X , who is friends with A and is in a band with him. We have lots of mutual friends and just enjoy spending time with each other. We are quite similar, like the same music and so on. It was a totally platonic friendship but I am beginning to get the idea that he is seeing it a different way, and has striated to (I know that this sounds a bit of a bigheaded) like me as in a relationship way. This all escalated at a gig I went to where their band was playing. X was very friendly and affectionate and there was a moment like in the movies where time slowed and the whole is he or isn't he going to kiss me thing happened (he didn't). A and I spoke for about 20 minutes and he and I hugged each other goodbye. He held on for a couple of extra seconds which is unusual as he is quite reserved. I really like A but I feel like I am placing him on a pedestal a bit, he is to me really attractive and i feel like I wouldn't measure up as a girlfriend. X however isn't as attractive but we are more comfortable together and closer friends. What do i do? i don't want to break up their friendship if X falls for me but I turn him down for A but i am beginning to develop the feeling that if i hadn't met A first I would be more than content to date X . Help my clarify my feelings and decide what to do please?!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 November 2011):
 X and you sound to have chemistry, I don't see any chemistry between you and A, other than the prolonged hug. How can you be sure A actually sees you as anything more? Never think you wont "measure up", thats just silly. If a boy likes you he likes you and then you are good enough to be liked, it isn't more complicated than that. So if he likes you accept that he does, without feeling like you aren't good enough.
Aside from that though... I don't see anything going on with you and A? You barely know him, and he's a little more attractive than X, and thats it? You don't even say if X, or A are attractive at all, you just say A is a bit more attractive than X, so maybe you find neither to tick your boxes.
"When in doubt, don't buy" = if neither of these guys gives you the butterflies then neither of them are the right one for you. Just because they like you doesn't mean you absolutely must chose between them. You can choose neither, as neither of them appears to stand out or make YOU want to date them. You just don't fancy either of them enough...
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 November 2011):
 Let you heart guide you in emotional issues and let your reason guide you in practical issues.
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