A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi every1, im in a bit of a delemma.I was seeing a guy for a few months and i thought everything was fine until his friend told me had a gf in another state. I tried to end it although after a drunken night wed hooked up, it was the last time i slept with him, then he admitted he was going back to his gf.It was the last time i saw him, although 3 weeks later i found out i was pregnant. I dont want an abortion as im against it.I decided i was going to bring the child up on my own. I was having problems with the pregnancy, spotting and pains etc so i had two early scans, one at 5 weeks and one at 8 weeks, i am now 9 weeks pregnant and have seen the babys heartbeat so its sunken in now.I told the father after the first scan and he offered me money to get rid of my child, i told him there was no way because it may be hard bringin a child up on my own but itd be even harder knowing iv killed my unborn child.I couldnt do that.I also told him to go back to his perfect relationship and leave me to deal with this in my own way, and for him to stay away, he agreed although said he didnt want his child to grow up thinkin his dad was a tosser.He said hes feeling guilty now.Although i wouldnt know what to tell my child either if they asked who their dad was, the truth? nothing but a low life cheat? I really dont know and i feel so sorry for his gf aswell, although it wasnt exactly my fault as i didnt know about her i still feel for her. So big question- do i still seek maintainance (she'll definatly find out if i do through his bank statements and letters) or do i let him stay out of this totally? any suggestions, id be soooooo gratefull!xxxxxx
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abortion, drunk, money Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all your advice everyone, im still yet to sort out the whole maintainance situation, but im now 19 weeks pregnant and looking forward to bringing up a beauitful baby.
Your all right i will try to sort this once the babys born, im trying to focus more on my pregnancy right now, so ill talk to him once the babys born.
thanks again
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (20 November 2007):
 Hi,
the fact that your ex suggested that he wouldn't want his kid to think he was a tosser is a good sign that he won't neglect his financial responsibilities.
Whether his girlfriend finds out or not is not your problem. He is the father and he should be made to support his child, he may very well be a good father to your child and if he provides financial support he also has a right to involve himself in your child's life.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (20 November 2007):
 you are a good woman. I strongly sypmthize with you. No body can ask you to have an abortion. He sought excitement he ended up in a huge mess and responsibility. As a decent girl dont mess up with his 'real affair' and yout blackmail him to ensure his return to you.
I guess he feels really guilty and he would try to do his best to stand by the child in his/her life anyway.
But it is enough of a punishment for him to act irresponsible.
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A
female
reader, Tootsie  +, writes (20 November 2007):
Hi I was in a very similiar situation last year, the baby is now 1. It was a difficult decision to keep the baby but I have no regrets its hard but the best thing that ever happenened to me. The father has only seen her once, at first I was angry like yourself and decided I didnt want any contact and wouldnt ask for mainentance. I waited until after the baby was born (they are expensive) and then applied for maintenance, he doesnt see his child but I get money every month. If i cant get emotional, practical etc support, a bit of financial support is the least he can do. When the baby is old enough she will know the truth. At the end of the day I got a beautiful baby and he lives a guilty lie every day. Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, Charley Coles +, writes (20 November 2007):
First of all im totally agaisnt abotions too im 14 and ive have one already and i still cry now im totally agaisnt it. Look bring it up and stay away from him and his life he dosent know what the hell he is missin you will get alot of support from friends and family and someone will find you and they wil love you if all he can say here is some money get an abotion dosent that tell you something.
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