A
female
age
41-50,
*al79
writes:I am having trouble knowing what to do, or where to turn, so I am asking you all for any advice. 7 years ago my husband of 6 years my husband come to me and told me that he was in love with a family friend, I was shattered, our children were only little, and as we lived in a small town and there was no where for my husband to go, he stayed with us, he stayed with us for 6 months, in this time while he never slept with her, he did talk to her everyday, she was also married, I would come home from work and they would be on the phone together, one day I over heard him telling her that he never wanted to hurt me and that he knew he was and didn't know what to do. I tried hard to be accepting, and after 6 months her husband found out, he moved his family 5 hours away, this is where the text's started, every text he received and sent was read to me by him, yes he read all of them to me, they were all mostly pretty full on, I wanted so badly to stay friends with this man the father of my children, my best friend. I held him when he didn't hear from her and told him it was all going to be ok, while inside I was screaming "what about me? I am your wife!" But I never said anything because I just wanted him to be happy, and I figured if it was her that made him happy who was I to stop it? Oh I don't want you all to think I was some sort of saint, because I wasn't , I had my days where I would get so mad, I would take our kids to a friends place and go back to the house we were buying and I would go off my block, throwing things and screaming at him to look at me. Pay attention to me, what about our children? But then I would go back to trying to be understanding, I didn't want our kids to go through a nasty break up, I wanted us to still have xmas and birthdays together, I invited her to tea one night and sat them down and told them that if this is what they want I support them, but she needs to understand that our children always come first, that every birthday and xmas they were to be here as part of our family. They both agreed. At this stage they still had not slept together. One weekend in January he came to me and said that he wanted to go and spend a weekend with her, that hurt like I wouldn't believe. The next morning as I watched him ride away on his bike I collapsed on the ground and cried for hours. As I got up and dried the tears from my face I went for a long bath and decided that I needed to get over it and focus on the kids, but he couldn't stay here after that night. He came back from his "romantic" weekend away, staying in a tree house (my dream). He came back and said he was so sorry, he had made a mistake, he wants me he wants to make it work. I didn't know what to do, I let him stay, and we tried to get things back on track. But I was not able to get it out of my head the messages hundreds of them that he had read to me, things like licking stuff off bodies, all the things I wanted him to say to me and he never did. I have tried to get over it, to put it to rest, but I just cant, I feel so much resentment for him at times that I cant even stand to be around him. So when I met up with my high school sweetheart 2 years ago I started up a relationship with him. I have now moved in with him, and my children are still with their father, my son is taking it hard and I am lost and confused, my husband wants me to come back, he wants me to work on our marriage and get it right, I know I don't love him, not the way that counts anyway, but I love my kids so damn much. And I am so torn, do I go back to him and try and work it out, or do I stay here and continue with the relationship I am in? Can we work it out? is it possible?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): If I'm reading this right, your husband tells you he's in love with someone else, they literally court in front of your face, he goes off for a romantic weekend, and probably when the fog had lifted and the woman wanted her family back and they had their sex and you find somebody he wants you back. You have been treated shabbily, no, you have been treated disgracefully, I don't really buy this saint routine of reading her texts to him then allowing him to go to her but still..look you brought children into this world but you can't stay with him because of that, if there is no respect then there is no relationship, he walked all over you, then when you picked yourself up and found someone new then he wants you back. I agree take some time to yourself, probably difficult if you're staying in the same house but think long and hard if you want to keep this man in your life, Everybody deserves to be respected. It's your right.
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (5 March 2011):
 The basis of any good relationship is trust.
Your husband has broken your trust by going with this other woman. The whole ordeal in the marriage has clearly been a stressful time for you.
What I would suggest is to take time away from the men in your life and ask yourself what it is you really want for yourself and your life?
Its obvious you love your children but going back to a unhealthy marriage is not a good option either.
Children pick up on bad vibes, sometimes one single parent is better than the two together just for the sake of it.
Once you can answer what is it you really want, you can move in the direction you want to, whether it'd be a new life with your kids alone, or be with this high school sweetheart or back again with your ex.
You've been through alot of anguish but remember you deserve utmost respect and love from the partner you choose to be with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): Sorry to tell you but I CAN NOT BELIEVE that you did all this things..!You were still married and you support his affair, he was reading to you the texts that he sent to her..? WTH??. he spent a romantic weekend with her and let you with the kid at home???...you invited her to tea and tell them if they are happy you will support that but they need to understand the kid are first???...of course is first..so???STOP STOP STOP...That's enough! He is and will be the father of your children FOREVER that won't change. But that "man" CAN NOT be your...partner...husband...friend...bf... NOTHING.Just do your life, enjoy you are single, you says 'I don't love him" of course you don't! Don't be naive. live on your own, I know you can, EVERYBODY CAN DO IT.Take time for yourself. think about nobody deserves be treated like a doll, when they want it they can take it..that's not true.
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