A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have recently split up with my partner of 2 and a half years (billy). He has hit me several times and i had also stopped fancying him, i went off sex with him so i decided that it was time to end it. I have started seeing an ex boyfriend (Jason), who is really fit and such a nice guy and the sex is amazing but now my ex billy wants me back and i do miss him but i don't know if it is just because we were together a long time and it is lonely being in the house by myself. I am started to doubt whether i made the right decision. My family would never forgive me if i went back to him, but i really don't know what to do. It is having a real effect on my life. I am stuck between both of them, i don't want to hurt either of them. Can someone tell me what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): Billy abused you, Jason doesn't. I am absolutely amazed that you have to even feel, you have to choose, hun. I am also amazed that you fear causing pain to Billy. Was Billy thinking this same way when he smacked you around? You need to think, rationally and sensibly, about a guy who could do that to you. A man who hits and abuses does not love. Abuse is all about power and control.
You are suffering from feelings of guilt because you are way too under-confident, much too forgiving and much too nice. Let's talk about forgiveness here. It's plain to see that if you are thinking of taking Billy back, that you have forgiven him. Well let me say, forgiveness means not holding hatred in your heart. It has nothing to do with allowing someone to resume an undeserved position in your life. Forgiveness is not a free pass which allows someone to come back in your life to harm you again. It's good to be nice, but not to abusers, hun. You have to work on gaining a thicker skin, or you stand a chance at making the most destructive decision, for your life. And that is possiblt choosing an abuser, like Billy. You need to disconnect and understand the only way you will ever save yourself and have a decent life, is to walk away from your past abuser, who was Billy. Billy is feeling lost, lonely. He needs you. He will pull you back, he will be nice, he will watch his temper, and then once he has you...you will be drawn back into the abuse again. Here you sit, and you have a choice. You now have people in your life who support you, care about you, and love you. Delete Billy's e-mail, delete his phone numbers and change your phone number. Stop all contact, today. Choose the people who deserve to be in your life. If you choose the wrong man, you will destroy your life...plain and simple.
A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (4 January 2009):
 Hi,
Im sorry i can't tell you what to do as that has to be your decision.
However my personal opinion is to stay with your nice new guy! Ask yourself why you want to go back to your abusive ex? Is it really worth the heartache?
I think you feel drawn towards him because you were together and had something speacial but he destroyed that the day he hit you. Dont give him that power over you be strong and get over him.
Maybe it would be good for you to have some time without a boyfriend?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 January 2009):
 I can, stay with Jason.
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