A
male
age
,
*eteb
writes:HiI asked for help about a month ago and appreciated everyone's answers but need some advice again.Since my last posting I approached T and asked her to be straight with me regarding how we were. She said she liked me and would like to see if we could be something more. Our relationship started and we have been taking things slowly ever since, but I have to admit I am the happiest I have been for a long time. I also won joint custody of my little boy and T has been a great support throughout this. My son J has met T and they get on really well. For the moment T has just been known to J as "Dad's friend". My ex has now however become very vindictive. We are going through the process of a divorce and she is now doing what she can to drag it out. Not that I am in any rush to marry again but I want that part of my life over with as soon as possible so I can be the best Dad possible for J. My ex has found out about T through a mutual friend and has basically become very jealous and seems to be using our son as a weapon. She has insisted that T not be there when J visits which of course I agreed to and so did T. When she came to drop J off she was two hours late and only let him stay for 2 hours of an 8 hour visit because she said she was busy. She has cancelled visits on short notice and is going out of her way to go against the courts ruling.I am very happy with T and I love my son to death. My question really is, do I give T up to make life easier or stand my ground? T suggested going for full custody and said that if we ever moved in together (which is goign to happen somewhere down the line, but not yet) she would support me all the way with regards to J.Its nice to know she will be there but I also want to cause as little disruption to J as possible. Any advice is, of course, greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, michelleAKAmandi  +, writes (27 September 2008):
 Hey there Pete,
Don't throw away what you have with T. It's sounds as if she is good for you and will be as well for your son.
You are divorcing and your ex has no say so in what you do as long as it is not anything harmful to your son. You have to be consistent in taking her back to court to make them make her realize she has to let you have your time with your son. She is cheating J out on a most important part of his life by doing this. DO NOT LET HER do this. Take your stand on both the situation with visitation with your son and staying with the person you love.
I'm sure you know not to do anything like have T stay over when you have J and such, but in time your ex will have to understand that T will be a part of J's life. Let that come in time and don't add fuel to the fire by saying anything about it to your ex, she'll use it against you I'm sure. You sound as if she's already bitter at the thought of T.
I sure hope this helps, keep us informed sweetie.
Michelle
A
female
reader, Mommy Dearest +, writes (26 September 2008):
 this coming from a girl that was raised in a broken family, I would not throw away something that could be something. If you feel that T is no threat and is a good influence for you son J, then I would stand my ground. You can't let your Ex wife run your life. You are grown and can make your own decisions. You no longer need approval from her. If you are happy then stand up. Your son Sounds young enough that he will adjust well or old enough to understand.
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