A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy in his 40s for a drink on Thursday after chatting for two days. The evening went well and I wasnt sure if the chemistry was right but he seemee lokeca good guy. I agreed to meet him Sunday. That night he text he was coming off the dating site to give us a chance.Yesterday he was texting a lot saying he cant wait to meet and then after work saying he would likexto meet me for a quick coffee. I said hes being too full on and lets just meet Sunday. Last night he text he could see I was on the dating site. I replied he must be on there to see me there. I said Im not putting up with this and Im happy single and would like to meet someone and dont take any rubbish from anyone. He apologised. I know his ex wife cheated on him. He has been divorced for four years.I believe in giving a second chance. I am confident in myself and I have been cheated on so can see his point. Yes this behaviourcis a red flag but we are all human. Should I bail out now and not meet him in a public place for coffee. I would like to get to know him but I wish he would slow down.
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male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (29 November 2015):
Being too possessive at the outset is a huge red flag. Tell him "No" now before things become more difficult. The guy sounds like a wuss, anyway.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2015): There's nothing wrong with giving people second chances. We all make mistakes and deserve an opportunity to be better the second time around. Now if your giving third fourth and fifth chances then there's a problem.
I would tell him straight that this is a process and you're taking things slow at your own pace. He can either slow down and see where this goes or not.
Also it's bad form to stalk you on the dating site. Unless you become exclusive then It's not his business if your on or not.
There are a couple of Red Flags already with him so I would just be cautious and take it Real slow.
Good Luck :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 November 2015):
 It's been LESS than a week of meeting/chatting/1 date and he is already questioning you being on the dating site. I'm sorry I wouldn't CARE if his ex-wife cheated. You are not his ex-wife and not at all responsible for that. THAT is his baggage that he is asking you to "carry". He has NO right grilling you about being on the dating site after LESS than a week - as you two AREN'T exclusive or an item yet..
To me, that comes across as controlling. And yes, HE would HAVE HAD to have been on the dating site to see you there, so double-standard on top of controlling... not a nice start. Then add that he is pushing for more MUCH faster then you feel ready for or willing to do. Another check-mark in the "negative" column.
I don't believe in "everyone deserves a second chance" either. You have to go with what YOU are comfortable with so DO listen to your gut.
If you WANT to give him a second chance do so, if you don't then that is OK too.
And good for you for telling him you don't take crap from anyone. You obviously have good common sense - apply it to him as well. What does your gut say?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (28 November 2015):
 No, OP, everyone does not deserve a second chance. He's shown you that he's very comfortable crossing the line with someone he hardly knows. That is a red flag.
Second chances only embolden some folks to take greater liberties. Move on and let him learn a lesson and treat the next woman better.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (28 November 2015):
Thats one sore point of dating sites-you have been asked out and yet you see him on the dating site -but to be fair you were on it to.You are aware of the RED flag as you stated and ask him to slow down.Everybody needs a second chance-so start fresh from there.See how it works out and stay safe.Kinds wishes NORA B.
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