A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I dont understand why my friend is trying to make me feel guilty. Sorry but this is a long story , I have a friend who lives in a different town to me its only a 10 minute bus ride ill call her A i also have a friend who lives in the same town as me ill call her B. I see B alot more than A , with her living in the same town , she also makes alot of effort in the friendship she often walks for 30 minutes to come and see me as i have done for her . B never pushes to me going out , i can say i dont have enough money and she understands and doesnt go on and on , B Tells me ive got enough money and loads of time and always pushes for hours i also feel she looks down on me , she has put me down infront of strangers in the past to make herself look better. My friend A is very selfish she always expects me to go to her house never her coming to mine . She likes to be in charge and have things her way. We recently invited her to a few nights of film night and going out to pubs id say over the last 3 week we invited her 7 times to come and do things with her she always says no , we expect her to say no but we still invite her because thats how we are . Shes been invited on nights and lunches with just the one of us at times and still says no we suggest things to do and ask her what does she fancy doing so we do things she wants to do , even tho its always the same with her go to hers for drinks and go the same pubs which she chooses, we say yes because its things she wants to do. But now shes starting to get nasty putting blame on me because she didnt want to come out with us , she says stuff like " i was going to get a new top for tonight but were not going out now " we were never going out in the first place but she always twists things to make it all about her. Last night she texted me and demanded "wheres my invite , you never invite me out " " i see your out with B AGAIN !!! " so i asked her why is she being jealous , shes claims shes not but i know she is i told her we always invite her out but she always says no , its like being in primary school and shes wearing me down . Ive known her for 25 years . She had a way of pushing and bullying and i just gave in easy to keep the peace but now i speak up and shes not liking it because she cant control me . I feel we will fall out because of how she is being , some of my other friends and my parents do not like A because of how she is but im her friend and dont just ditch people because someone else doesnt like them . Every time she accuses me of something petty i stick up for myself but she has a way to make it all about her , on my birthday a few of us went out and after a few hours she was asking and pushing for me to lend her £30 which i did , i wish i hadnt why ask the birthday girl for money when she had other people to ask they were her fiance and her sister and brother in law to be. im not wanting to spend as much time with her because of how she is being . this has been going on for nearly a year now . Does this sound like the end of the friendship or do we both agree to distance ourselves ?
View related questions:
fiance, jealous, money, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (28 June 2016):
 I'm with Honeypie - distance yourself. I don't think you need to cut it off, at least not directly, but stop inviting her and don't bother replying when she starts moaning at you about it; say "I'm sorry, Jill, but I won't keep listening to this" and hang up. Do that every time she starts to blame you for something that wasn't your fault.
As a result, she'll either learn why she's not being invited or you'll eventually just phase her out.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 June 2016):
 Oh and I always invited her for everything with my friends, and she never ONCE in those 15 years invited me to come hang out with her and her friends... She had no problem hanging out with the people I introduced her to, but wouldn't introduce me to anyone. The same was reflected on the fact that she would just take my clothes without even asking to borrow them, but I was NEVER allowed to borrow any of her clothes.
She just went to my drawer and got whatever the heck she wanted without asking... I told her right then and there that it wasn't okay for her to just assume I would lend her my clothes! And that was years before I finally ended the friendship. Didn't help a thing to have any heart-to-hearts with her. The woman wouldn't change. The last time we spoke she actually told me I had to accept her exactly the way she was, or it was best to not be friends.
So... accept that your friend is the way she is, and don't be friends no more.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (26 June 2016):
She's always been like this, and you have just used up your 25 years worth of patience. I recently broke contact with a friend of 15 years, same reason as you in fact. She never came to my place, despite her having a car and me having to take the bus using three-four times as long to get there, I always had to meet at her place. She never wanted to go to anything I invited her to, and in the end she would not even make time to see me, just offer me 20 minutes to see her outside her office on her lunch break, or the "blessing" to walk her home from work!!! Yes, she did offer this as us "hanging out" : Why don't you come to my work when I finish off and walk with me home, then we can talk and catch up?
Seriously. It was time to say bye bye. My patience lasted me 15 years, not 25 like in your case, but at some point we got to draw the line.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 June 2016):
 I would just start to let it run out in the sand. She is a long time friend and she isn't liking the fact that time has changed, you said it yourself she USED to push you around and bully her way to get what SHE wanted, but no longer... so yes, she feels like things are not right. She isn't liking not being the center of attention.
Down grade her mentally to an acquaintance. YOU do you. IF she keeps being hostile end the conversation, you shouldn't HAVE to defend yourself from a friend. Just tell her, you know what I'm not going to have this argument with you. And then you say I got to go and hang up. Either she figures out to change her behavior, or... she doesn't.
Sometimes dynamics in friendships change, sometimes they are just not healthy any more. As I see it, IF she bring NOTHING positive to your life? Cut her out, but do it slowly. I don't think this is the kind of woman you can say, "hey you are acting like a brat and I'm taking a break from you."
Why make yourself miserable to keep her around?
...............................
|
