A
female
age
30-35,
*olliemg
writes:so im dating(1.5 years) a guy 4 years older than me. lately ive been feeling a little disconnected and its starting to really bother me. the romance is dying, he's always busy, and he recently told me he was applying to a job which was on the other side of the country and he would be there for 8months. also, he got with another girl during the first month or two of our dating, and it was really hard to trust him again. But, he also has been getting "serious" about our relationship, and that he wants to eventually move in with me. -this is providing i can wait around for him while he does godknows what in montreal. he's a little controlling and possessive (wont let me get a tattoo) and we could argue about almost anything. i miss playing the field, being happy and just being me. dont get me wrong - he's been a good bf and i used to be happy.
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Hi, The tone of your letter, seems to cry out, no you actually said , you used to be happy. To me that says it all. I somehow feel that you already know the answer to your question. That you really want to be, like you were before, especially since he is a bit controlling. A relationship is a two person situation, if you are unhappy, you either talk to him and let him know that you are unhappy, and see what can be done, between the two of you to change that. Or you let the relationship go and move on. It also sounds as if the relationship has lost some of its
luster. The last part, about the two of you moving in together is puzzling, because it does not appear that the
warmth is there for the either of you, towards each other.
If you don't want to break up with him before he leaves, why not let him move to the place that he is going, and see what happens while he is gone, whether he calls you, writes
you, it may be at an end, for him as well, and he may well be in the relationship because of habit. The fact that he
is moving away, may be the best thing for both of you. You can gauge your feelings as will he. Or you may if you want, just make the break and everyone goes their own way. I suggest you read your letter and look at what you said, your answer is right there, in your letter. "You miss being happy". Good luck to you always, take good care.
A
female
reader, SugarCookie +, writes (10 June 2008):
I think you have answered your own question. He doesn't make you happy enough to only be with him. When you meet that right one you will know. I have been with my fiance for three and a half years and have never wanted anyone else. Even in the bad times when we would fight and I would be completely alone all I could think of is how much I wanted him to walk through the door say I'm sorry and end the fight. In three and a half years there have been some huge fights. Also the beginning of a relationship is the most exciting where you aren't suppose to want anyone else so if he cheated on you in the beginning he'll do it later when things get rough! Hope that helped!
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Naturally relationship takes different forms over time. I believe there is a fine line between fading love, and feeling more level headed, and possibly a bit of lost passion. Does that make sense? Where is your gut instinct?
It wouldn't be natural for you to be so excited and thinking about nothing else, it is natural to feel differenntly.
1.5 years is quite some time, which is good; also the amount of time where relationships are different and ought to be more serious.
I can understand you being worried about him working a long distance away. I am sure that will be the test of things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): I suggest to take some time and decide:Do you want to be with this guy?Do you love this guy?If the answer to the above is "yes"WHY????????????Do I want to be with him, and him only for the rest of my life?Do I want to have his children?Write it out, find the reasons and I am sure then you will have your answer.Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Never end a relationship because you think you OUGHT to end a relationship. End it if you really WANT to, or if he really wants to.
The romance is dying? Not unusual after a year or so, but romance is something that both of you put into a relationship, not just one of you. Few partners don't respond to romance with romance.
Won't let you get a tattoo, so he's controlling and possessive? If that's the only symptom, then I can't agree. Many men hate to see girls with tattoos. I personally think it's horrible too, although I wouldn't have stopped my wife getting one if she had really, really wanted one.
I think that maybe he IS getting serious. He's looking at the future - a future with you. I get the impression that you aren't ready for that just yet. Or is it that you're not ready for it with him? A great boyfriend, but not such a great husband?
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 It really sounds like fading love. If he is good to you and a good BF you should consider talking to him to see if there is anything left to save. Other than that it seems you have the answers to your questions.
Good luck!
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