A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:Now I'm 30 I realised I'm surrounded by people who push their own needs. Example 1 the friend who is unable to have fun if it doesn't involve alcohol and drugs, he has an infinite appetite to take drugs and alcohol and looks a state when he does. He can be amazingly fun. But the moment u express ur own needs to have a night in or not get drunk. He gets visibly angry, upset and judgemental calling you boring. If we go on holiday and he wants to have fun aka get trashed, if u decide not to he his first night anticlimactic. Example 2, the boring and cheap friend, he only wants to do things that u find boring or with friends that you find boring. Whenever u suggest something new that u could both find exciting, he doesnt want to spend money. It reaches a point where meeting is impossible cos he isnt willing to spend money do things u both enjoy (though he has a lot of it), the friendship becomes on his needs. Example 3, the friend who only sticks to what they know and doesnt ever try new things, when they do take to something new they act like they"ve re-invented the wheel, when u introduce them to new people, they rarely charm or win over new people, because they are so closed they don"t connect.All these friends I enjoy in small does, and formed close friendships with which I now recognise don't fulfil my own needs. Any suggestion of meeting in the middle seems to be disregarded, I'm explicit about what I want and dont want and its ignored or dismissed. Do I drop these friends, or how do I quietly renogitiate my friendships with them? I cant imagine pushing my friends to do what i want, or not giving them freedom to pursue their own needs, anything else simply isnt a friendship but bullying someone into what u want.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (10 September 2016):
 The alcoholic drug addict is just that: an addict. He will only see things from his own perspective and will not like it if you try to stop him indulging in his addictions. To be perfectly frank, I would drop him completely, otherwise you will get dragged down with him. What do you get from your other friendships? Do you actually enjoy the company of these people? If not, then move on. No need to actively "drop" the friends but just don't spend enough time with them for them to annoy you. See them once or twice a year - when doing the same thing won't be such a big deal. We often outgrow friends/friendships. There is no point in meeting up with people who just aggravate and frustrate you. Make new friends, take up new interests, and enjoy the company of different people.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (10 September 2016):
 Assuming they are in your age range, they most likely won't change. Especially the one you say is particularly resistant to change and new things. I have a friend just like this. She eats the same things (cheerios EVERY NIGHT from the box, a certain sandwich shop in which she gets the same sandwich every time, a particular restaurant she gets certain to-go food from every Wednesday on her off day, and a certain kind of popsicle). She watches the same 2 shows over and over again, even if she's seen them 40 times already, and never goes out or does anything. Very, very set in her ways.
You say you can handle them in small doses, so why not do just that? - Only handle them in small doses. It's not like you're committed to only being friends with just them. Make new friends. Go out with coworkers you've never hung out with before. Join social clubs. See if you can connect and make other friends, as well, and start seeing these needy friends a bit less often. You don't have to ditch them, by any means. But just branch out and expand your horizons.
Good luck.
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