A
female
age
36-40,
*rincessjasmine
writes:I've had 17 partners. I had oral sex with most of them. I had sex with 2 of them. I love watching porn but have stopped. I masturbate like 3-4 times a week (but masturbate 2 times those days) I like the idea of fantasy. I like looking at myself, video taping myself just for me, looking at porn, having sexual encounters with guys. I'm 25. Every 4-6 months I meet a guy and dont say no eventhough i dont feel right about it. I'm single but don't know how to be intimate anymore. As soon as a guy likes me i shut him out b/c its just sex and nothng more. I feel crappy afterward b/c i wanna have a real relationship adn not a dirty raunchy one. I just odnt know how to stop myself from going to the next level. I just dont want the good girl image with most guys. i want them to think im sexy and bad b/c my whole life ive been a good girl, innocent and angelic. Now i wanna show guys how bad i am but afterward im like, this isn't me, im not bad, i didnt even enjoy being bad or doiing this. How do i stop? do you think im a sex addict?
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oral sex, porn, sex addict Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): You are not a sex addict. Not even close. You do have issues though and you should see a good therapist/counselor to help you work through them.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, princessjasmine +, writes (11 August 2011):
princessjasmine is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni think you're right! it is a defense mechanism i think b/c i just feel like ok, i dont wanna date you i wanna get rid of u so let me just sleep withu and then never speak to u again. I DO wanna be in a relationship, but w/the right guy, someone who treats me w/respect. But w/guys who dont respect me, im like ok watever, lets just do thsi. I feel like ive lost my morals in the process b/c of all the control my parents had on me and what my community saw me as (again, a good girl) i come from a muslim family with VERY traditional views and i wanted to get away from all the rules. So i rebelled and now its like i kept stirring the sugar in the tea, i took the spoon out, but its still stirring, its still going in circles and it can't stop. If only i had that balance of stirring slowly it would stop on its own, and taht is what im trying to find now. I've realized now that I DO have spirituality in me, and i cant deny that b/c the guilt i feelafterward must mean that I DO have morals and self respect deep down, im just tryna provve myself that im against all of those 'good mmoral's and the good side to be 'liberated' but at the end of the day, i know i love God, my family and its a part of me that i love and want back. This timethough, i dont wanna follow religion for ppl, for my family, or even for God, but for myself. To remind myself of who i wanan be and who i am so i can stop next time. I've never said no to a guy, THAT'S WAT MAKES ME SO MAD about msyelf! can anyone relate.
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A
female
reader, princessjasmine +, writes (11 August 2011):
princessjasmine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, dmartin89, i LOVE what you said about sex as a defense mechanism to push ppl away. I do push guys away as soon as i have sex with them, on purpose. It's like i want nothing to do with them. I guess I know I don't wanna be intimate with these guys I have sex with. I seperate sex from intimacy, to me, they are 2 very different things. At the moment, sex is raunchy, dirty and very porn-ish feeling to me, at least the way i do it. Intimacy is with someone I am confident I want to be with forever, and that i haven't found. So I pick guys I DONT wanna be with for sex, and i pick guys that I DO wanna get to know and I gt to know them, talk to them, and don't feel a need to have sex with them b/c i respect them so much. I think b/c i've gotten used to guys and oral sex, to me its like inevitable to do, its just the next thing to do after kissing, so in the moment i think, why not? I can do whatever I want....I'm going against my upbringing of being a good girl, religious values, putting on this image for people as the good girl, and going against what my parents want for me, or what they think is best. I want to just do it for the sake of going against relligion, upbringing, people, society, to do things for MYSELF to feel 'liberated' but the opposite happens, i dont feel liberated afterward, so im realizing who i truly am....I'm a good girl, that's just who i am....and that's who I want to be, not for my parents or society but seriously for the well-being of myself and self-respect. I know I can get away from this b/c i know what the problem is.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 August 2011):
 I don't think you are a sex addict. I think you like being close and physical. that does not make you an addict...
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (11 August 2011):
hi no you are not a sex addict because if you were you would be trying to meet diffrent men every weeek or even sooner to have sex with not every 6 month or so it sounds like your defences are coming up because you are scared of getting hurt it also sounds like you are just rebelling because people see you as angelic and innocent and this is obviously not how you want to be seen when you meet someone try not to jump into bed with them or do anything sexual straight away get to know them and be comfortable with them and you will see by taking it slow with someone you may feel ready to be in a relationship properly with them good luck hope this helps
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (11 August 2011):
 I think you're just rebelling against the image, you said yourself of the 'innocent and angelic' girl.
There is nothing wrong with innocence, in fact I know several guys who find innocence itself sexy. To be sexy doesn't mean you have sex (oral or otherwise), to be sexy is a view the guy has of you. Sexy is more of a mindset than an action.
You should learn to say no. Go with your gut next time you think 'I don't really want to be doing this' and don't fear hurting the guy's feelings in doing so. It will hurt more in the long run to feel bad about yourself for doing something you didn't want to do.
As for masturbating and porn- it isn't interfering with your every day life so don't worry about it. Masturbation is a completely healthy way to relieve stress.
There is also nothing wrong with how you said you watched yourself, it's good to like your body that much.
You are not a sex addict. You are simply a girl going through a phase who maybe needs to learn how to say 'no' every once in a while.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (11 August 2011):
 No, you're not a sex addict. If you were, you would be sleeping with several different guys a week, not every 4/6 months. It would also be disrupting your everyday life e.g. trying to have sex with your colleagues, missing work because you're busy looking for someone to have sex with. Imagine how an alcoholic or gambeler behaves? Like that with sex..
It sounds like you're going through a phase. It sounds like you're meeting the wrong guys. Its ok to just focus on sex, its nothing to be ashamed of, we're sexual beings. It sounds like what you're doing is a defense mechanism to push people away. What reason do you think you would not want to be in a relationship with someone? Are you ready for a relationship?
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