A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,A few months ago I was dating a woman who decided to break it off with me. Her reason was that she was in a special stage of her life. I was heart broken over it because I had grown to really like her. The advice of the closest female to me in my family went that it was because she had found someone else. I couldn't get the advice out of my head so I first asked the woman I was dating if she was with someone else and she told me no. I couldn't accept her answer so I asked her closest friend if she was with someone else and she told me yes.Hurt over the whole drama I went my way. A few months later she starts to casually talk to me again. A week after the talking she asks me if we wanted to date again. Her reason this time was because she thought I didn't like her. I was surprised to say the least but told here we should just be friends.She said she would accept that and for the last month or so we have been hanging out. The problem is, I'm starting to have feelings for her again. Deep down, I believed her when she said that she thought I didn't like her. Simply because I didn't. She's like a music band you hear playing in a bar. She doesn't have that "pop" commercialized sound. Instead she's more like indie band that's grown on you with their unique style and "there goes a mistake" playing. So when first hearing the band you think..."Not that great". But you stay a little while until you hear the true beauty of it. So now I'm confused. I'm her friend and the feelings I thought were gone are back again. My question is, How do I stay her friend and not have feelings for her?I want to stay her friend because my family hate the idea of me going back with her. They think she just wants to get back with me because I am her fall back guy. They were right before so I'm paying attention to their advice this time.I've tried dating other people but its not really working. But again a big part of me deep down really wants to be with her. The confusion is starting to slow me down at work because I keep day dreaming and I keep thinking about her and our situation. Its my first time in such a situation and I want to make the best of it.Thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): youve answered your own question there!
if you want to make the best of it, then do just that.
to be honest, look at it from this girls point of view,
she senced you wasnt interested, and what do u know, you wasnt!
Shes picked up on that big time and took a step back thinking its what you wanted. and if she senced it , shes hardly gunna wanna be the one that keeps putting in effort while your so laid back about it, because you wasnt intrested.
Then after she backed off, she tried dating someone else, she thought for sure that if you wasnt interested then someone else would be.
then after you find out shes seeing someone else, you all of a sudden want her back?
ok if some guy did that to me, id be thinking,
"right, he doesnt like me, just not that into me, lets move on"
i wouldnt hang around for someone who didnt know at the time what they wanted!
But , now you know where you went wrong, and want to try mend bridges with her and remain friends, i suggest you swallow your pride and come clean about exactly what you were playing at.
tell her everything, that at first you didnt know how you felt about her but felt intrigued enough to stick around and find out, but before you could find out , shed already senced you backing off a lil bit and vanished and tell her its left you feeling like you could be missing out on something great! you need to come clean to her before anything else happnes now. give her the benefit of the doubt!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): I think you guess should stay friends because not to hurt your feelings hun i think she likes you but something about you a little part of you that she not interested.plus, she sort of lie to you when you ask her if she seeing someone. do you really want a girl who broke your heart and lied ? i think u guys need to be friends little bit longer and it to know each other more.just thinking about and following ur heart and if you have more questions for me just send me a message i hope everything works out for you sweetie:)
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