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female
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anonymous
writes: should i continue communicating with the man that i love, even though he is married?We met before his engagemnet, and liked each other.He lives in India -a country where there are immense social pressures, and was unable to stop his wedding to someone he doesn't love because he was afraid that his fiancee would commit suicide, and that i (living in another country) may change my mind about commiting to him. But i love him very much and cannot imagine being with anyone else.He told me that he loves me the night before his wedding.He is now married, and i am tempted to get back in touch. I don't want to let this go.I believe he is my ideal man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): to those who think that it is simple and a person is insecure or has no one to talk to..... and that's why the women stick around with their married friend, it's not as simple as you think.. unless you are in a situation such as the one that woman has, then you shouldn't judge or say things as you do... those are words, we are talking about emotions here and the history of it all. the guy could not have stopped that wedding because of their culture whether he wanted to or not... but my thing is that he should have been strong enough to leave their country and fly to whereever the girl is... however, he would not have been able to leave with himself had a person committed suicide on account of him... so he was in a real tough situation.
for the girl, since he is in a different country maybe you should find someone that is in the same country as yours.... long distance relationship is quite hard... my bestfriend who i was seeing for 8 1/2 years married this year... i love him very much and when i came back home he told me he was married.. he tried to look for me, but he couldn't. the woman he ended up marrying is a total opposite of me, and now he has a marriage that is not a happy one. she can't have sex with him because she complains of his size. i don't mean he is small.... she complains that she gets hurt. she refuses to stay in the same bedroom as him... what kind of a marriage is that? i know this man long enough to know he doesn't lie. otherwise he and i would not be best of friends through those many years.. i just disappeared too much coz i enjoyed traveling.... when i came back, the minute we saw each other we knew we were still in love. it's just a twist of fate we didn't get together and i am a catholic woman and never thought i would be in that situation... but sometimes it happens and i regret nothing... we've enjoyed each others company then, and now... but recently, i decided to start dating because i do not want to be the cause of any marriage break up. however, the minute she walks away, which i doubt!!! he is a great man, but i will be here waiting for him. i will date but that's it... we know how we feel....he wants to tell her they made a mistake but knowing him, that would mean he would turn away from his belief, he is very religious and divorce is not an option, if he thought of doing that then he does love me... but i have to be the stronger person and try to remove myself from that situation, but i regret nothing when it comes to what he and i have done.... i said all that because there are many unexplainable decisions and things in life, that we who thought we'd never put ourselves in that situation, when we are talking about the heart, emotions, then there is no listening to anything else. I told him NO, the minute he mentioned leaving her... because his friendship means the world to me, and if that is all we are going to have now, i would rather have him like that than not at all... we talk everyday and we email and text each other while he is at work, lunch and movies and exercising together but for the past 3 weeks, although we feel that strong and wanting to make love, we have made a promise to each other not to cross that line and that's because we both know that it is not how life is suppose to be.... but i don't condone it, not when a guy is just doing it because heis bored at home or just because he just loves lusting over women, but when there is that big connection, hard or unacceptable as it may be, it will not be stopped.. it's just good that he and i have such a strong friendship that we can still hang out even without being sexual... sex, is part oflife, but i didn't love him just for that... that's just an incentive... so different situation, different solutions.... but the guy from india, and the girl that is in love with him, it's not worth it.... the relationship will eventually go no where because of the distance.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): me and this guy had known each other ever since we was in diapers. nd then a few years later we knew that we wanted to be with each other for the rest of our lives! but then he was forced to get married to this girl because she was pregnant with his kid. and on his wedding day he told me that he loves me and he wanted me to be the one standing next to him. then a few months after his wedding day we started to see each other again. he wants to be with me and he still loves me and i still love him. so we decided to be with each other until he can find a way to leave her! i loved being with him and all but it dont feel right i love him with all of my heart but i couldnt be with him! so now even though we still love each other we're not together no more! maybe in the future we would but not now!i wrote this because i wanted you to know how much YOU is gonna end up getting hurt even though you love him there aint no way ya can be together because if you decide to be with him even though you know that he is still married the relationship that you have with that guy is gonna be the one thing you'll regret for the rest of your life! no matter how hard it is, no matter how hard you'll cry for each other DONT GO BACK TO HIM!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): me and this guy have known each other ever since we was in diapers and a few years later we knew that we was meant for each other! he still loves me and i still love him even though he is married. he told me on his wedding day that he still loves me and that he wanted me to be the one standing next to him! he was forced to get married and now he can't find a way to get out of his marriage to be with me because his "wife" has a kid! we still is seeing each other but i have stopped because i couldnt go through with it anymore when i know that he has a wife. i still do love him but i dont wanna be with him anymore because he is married! what can i do to get him back?!?!?!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (20 November 2006):
 Hi Girl,
Do unto others, as you would have them done to you...if it was your husband, what would you want?
If you can not answer that, then here is a clue: Do NOT communicate with that man anymore.
I think you deserve to find someone that is willing to fight social pressures, so that he can be with you.
I am ignoring the fact that you are in separate countries, and do not really know if he is being honest with you...that being said, it should make your decision a little easier.
-Frank B Kermit
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2006): Hell NOOOOOOOOOOOO----he is gone, he was not the one for you, he is from a different culture and is honoring that for whatever reason that is personal to him and has nothing to do with you or how he feels about you.
This would not be healthy for you, not to mention fair...you will find someone else to love who is more suited for you and then you will say, "What was I thinking?" If you can't imagine life without him, this does not mean that you LOVE him, it is your own dependency needs talking, find someone else to feel dependent on, or better yet, work on being self secure and happy on your own so that you have more to give the next guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2006): A couple of basic facts:
He's married.
He COULD have stopped the wedding if he really wanted to
no matter what the social pressures, or his fiancee.
He lives in a very different culture, a very long way from you.
So to answer your question, in a word, "NO."
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2006): well iam from india dear we do have intense social pressures but still if u love someone u must have the guts to get married its the same policy anywhere in the world.if he is married just let him go he isnt the one 4 u y ruin someone's marital bliss.its rainin men everywhere so enjoyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
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