A
female
age
26-29,
*ostit
writes:Hello everyone. Any answers at all are so appreciated!I have been in an LDR for 2 years now. It's working fine. Before my current boyfriend I had a different LDR but with a guy who I had never met. I broke up with this guy before we got to meet up. I was young. Last week I met that ex-boyfriend - intentions were pure. Just as friends, out of curiousity - obviously nothing else. I have a boyfriend whom I love. But it was such a wonderful week we had. He gave me butterflies, we walked on the beach, we kissed, hugged, he introduced me to his best friends and .. we had sex. I loved all of those things. We behaved completely like a couple, and ever since he's been begging me to come back to him and still is. He doesn't want a relationship with me - we have talked about it. He doesn't want to be in an LDR. He's afraid of hurting me, by breaking up with me quickly afterwards either because it turns out he doesn't love me enough or he just simply can't go through with it due to the distance. And none of us are willing to move to each other's country.I miss him. I really do. But at the same time, I feel I love my boyfriend. My boyfriend makes me laugh, he makes me feel appreciated and secure. We want the same things with our lives. Our countries are more alike and moving to each other isn't such a big deal. But I don't miss him when he's away.. Actually it's starting to feel like I talk to him to please him more than to please myself.. My questions are two.Is it better for me to try and figure out who I feel the most for - and then take it from there OR Is it better for me to just leave it be and accept the things I have - a boyfriend who adores me?
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (25 October 2012):
 There's a third option, which is to finish with both these guys (neither of whom can apparently fulfil you) and be single for a while. And then perhaps consider dating guys local to you and remove the complications involved in long distance relationships.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 October 2012):
 Torn between two lovers.....
an old song from before your time...
the story does not change.
It is MY understanding of the world from PERSONAL experience... that NO ONE can be tempted to be
a. emotionally involved or
b. physically involved
with someone other than their partner UNLESS
the feelings they have for their partner are NOT as strong as they should be.
In other words, "methinks the lady doth protest too much"
it hurts to be told you are a liar and a cheat doesn't it?
I don't care if you are 18, 28 38 or 48.. A person (man or woman) WILL NOT hug and kiss another person and think "dirty thoughts" of them when PROPERLY committed to another person.
IF you even have to question what to do... then you end it with both of them. figure out what you want and then go for it.
however if you opt to go for the boyfriend you cheated on, you must come clean... because there are interesting things that happen int his world called KARMA and it will bite you in the tush if you are not careful.
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A
female
reader, Lostit +, writes (25 October 2012):
Lostit is verified as being by the original poster of the questionKarlos, I don't mean to offend you, but you're very quick to conclude things without substantial reason.. I'm going to make a new thread, and explain myself better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2012): Well I feel sorry for your boyfriend because you ARE a cheat, and you ARE a liar, and you WILL do it again, because you said yourself, you feel like you're only with your boyfriend to please him, more than to please yourself, so OBVIOUSLY when people are not happy, they CAN'T give their partner the 100% commitment that they need, and seek to find that little bit of what is missing from the relationship elsewhere.
Your boyfriend DOES deserve better than you, and despite what you say about not telling him for the best, the best thing to do IS to tell him. Being with you is NOT good for him. Keeping it from him is the best thing for you, because you'll still have him in the loop to fall back on when you've finished having your fun with other guys.
He needs to know the truth so he can make the best decision for him upon learning what you've done, and the best thing for him is to ditch you and find a decent girl who knows how to take relationships seriously, and doesn't find it amusing to betray peoples trust and take advantage of their hearts.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2012): This post doesn't have an ounce of sense to it...
From what I did make of it, you've cheated on your boyfriend with an ex who has made it clear he doesn't love you enough to have a relationship with you, hence he's pretty much used you for sex.
The other thing, you need to tell your current boyfriend you have cheated on him, and that you DON'T love, care for, or respect him, and give him the chance to see you for what you really are, a cheat and a time waster.
Sorry if that's a bit harsh, but do you not think what you've done to your boyfriend is harsher? You could have at least ended it with him before jumping into bed with a guy who doesn't even care for you.
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A
female
reader, Lostit +, writes (25 October 2012):
Lostit is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't put up the option telling my boyfriend about what I did, because I know it would devastate him, of course.. And I do feel bad about what I did, but when he doesn't know, it's not as if me feeling really guilty and confessing would make things any better for anyone.. I'm 18, btw, not 16-17.
I do adore my boyfriend, he's an amazing person, truly. And I have ever so much respect for what he stands for. And yeah, after what I did he deserves better. But as he doesn't know what I did, and I know I won't do it again, his life wouldn't be improved by me breaking up. He simply can't know..
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