A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a high school student, and have been dating a wonderful girl for a little over 7 months. We attend a residential high school, so we see / work with each other every day. She is my friend, classmate, research partner and girlfriend. We both love each other and care for each other very much, and I would say our relationship is still very strong.Unfortunantly, as a college senior, college applications are coming up. My beloved's options are pretty limited, and she's pretty set on one college for several reasons (close to home, free tuition, strong program). Unfortunantly, my choices are not as clear cut, and I stand a pretty good chance of getting into some higher-tier colleges.At this critical juncture in my life, I am completely confused on what to do:My beloved is upset and depressed -- she thinks I will go to the better university, leaving and eventually forgetting her. She believes a long distance relationship would not work and fall apart. Her self-esteem isn't all that high either, which doens't help.I am also confused as to what to do: If I do get into multiple universities, do I pick the one she is going to attend, or the higher-tier one? I mean, the university she wants to go to is by no means a bad university -- it's still one of the top in the nation, and I think I could still be happy at it... A lot of people have also said that high-school relationships shouldn't play into college decisions, but my beloved means enough to me that I can't completely dismiss that factor.Please help. First and foremost, how do I cheer her up, and secondly, what do I do once college decisions come out?
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female
reader, honkifuluvnicole +, writes (30 December 2007):
 honestly, i really think you need to go to the best college you get into. Its important to think about your future. You dont want to risk a good career for a girl that you most likely will end up ending things with soon after you are in college. People change when they go to college, its a new chapter, so why not start fresh? And think of your future above all else.
I am too a senior, and applying to colleges, and last year my boyfriend went to an out of state college, and we broke up before he left. We are still very close and talk all the time. Maybe you can do that with your girlfriend.
I really hope this helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007): Higher tier college is the choice. No question about it. You should always choose your education FIRST and foremost. ALWAYS. If you don't you WILL regret it. I'm telling you. Women come and go. The only thing in life that nobody can ever take away from you is your education. And it would be very disappointing for you to not challenge yourself to your fullest capabilities for a girl.
Your early 20's are the time for you to work hard get a good degree from the best college you can get into and after you have graduated and earned your masters or whatever, then you can have all the time in the world to make plans with girls.
You sound like a bright kid. But not all bright kids are successful. The key to success in life is to know what choices are the right ones for you. And the right choice for you is to go to a GOOD college, despite her. It is a tough world out there. And a good education is one of the most powerful tools you can have to succeed.
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A
female
reader, brooke5426  +, writes (29 December 2007):
 You need to go to the very best school you can get into. You need to further yourself, push yourself and be the very best you can be. If you and your girlfriend are meant to be together then it can work. I went to university with a girl who had left her boyfriend behind back home, they made a 500 mile trip every second weekend to see each other - you can bet it was tough but it worked. or if it is meant to be then you will be together again.
it really isnt worth risking your future and your entire life for a high school relationship. i know it feels like the biggest thing in your life right now but imagine yourself in 20 or 30 years time. Realistically you and your girlfriend will probably have broken up and you will be mad at yourself for having given up the best school for a girl you no longer have anything to do with.
If it is meant to be it will be. And your girlfriend should be supporting you and encouraging you to go to the best school you can get into.
As for how to cheer her up, just tell her you cant see into the future but you enjoy spending time with her and you dont want to spend it arguing or stressing you just want to enjoy your time together and let the future take care of itself.
good luck
brooke
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