A
female
age
26-29,
*ithe4ngel
writes:I have a crush.We've been friends for three years.I told him about 6 weeks ago at camp were we work that I like him kinda.I'm very conflicted as he's my first crush.I was raised in a male only household so i have a knee jerk reaction to not like anything close to intimacy and so.Anyway we've left camp we write letters he takes forever to reply.but my question is we text every dayish...I try not to bother him as he says im not a bother...but its awkward.he's gone backpacking..and told me he would be unavailable -due to mountains and all.is it weird? Do I bother him so much? Why does he check in about when he wont be chatting. I cant tell if he just has lots of patience or if he truly doesnt mind me poking at him.he seems relativly affectionate although..thats unlikely seeing as he is oblivious and I am rational with extra need for personal space.
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (20 August 2015):
At the very least there is no need to rush or force more out of the situation. If you have more time on your hands than he does, just find some way to occupy your time. You are not doing anything wrong and he is not doing anything wrong. Take it slow, enjoy the relationship. It's ok to miss the person, nothing is wrong with that. It is fine if you don't message the person for the days he is gone. He will be back soon and you can ask him about his trip and he will have things to talk about.
A
female
reader, aithe4ngel +, writes (19 August 2015):
aithe4ngel is verified as being by the original poster of the question That’s the thing he almost always starts the texting he just pretty bad at holding conversations. Unless they’re based on his field of study.hahaI guess I’m annoyed with myself...because I tend to talk to him more and I find it bothersome in my mind that I prioritize him. I don’t enjoy this crush it came to early. But I kind of would love to have a future with him just not now. But it’s weird as I said I’m conflicted and part of me just wants to push for it...even though we both aren’t ready. i'm just not sure how much of what is friendship and how much is my stupid chemical reaction crush junk that goes away in a couple months (hopefully).I’m just confused I honestly like him. But we both don’t k ow how to like someone. He can’t get around it mentally and I’d probably break (insert body part here) if I couldn’t rationalize why he was trying to touch media have to admit that he’s held my hand and other various things but it’s only because he acknowledges my bubble so well even though I tell him it doesn’t apply as much around people I know well. I seem scatter brained oh well what I meant to say was thank you very much He tells me to respect myself more because he thinks highly of me.I dunno why but I find that helps because I don’t care much for myself but he's a good person so if he thinks so he’s probably on to something. Even though he's self-critical too just not with the same mannerisms as me :) Thanks -a fumbling strange minded girl
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 August 2015):
 He didn't go back-packing to avoid you. That is pretty certain. He probably wants to enjoy his trip without having to be on his tech (phone,laptop,table) constantly. Why does he check in? He probably have parents who want to make sure they are OK.
But if you keep having the attitude that you are a bother or he really doesn't care, you will end up coming off as extremely insecure and clingy, and THAT most people don't like.
Slow down, take it easy.
Since you seem a bit clueless (no offense) with how much contact you should have, how about letting him lead? That mean stop texting, IM'ing or whatever you are doing and wait till he get back and can talk more often.
As for physical contact... wait with that, till it feel natural to you. There is no rush.
When he gets back get to know him.
He may see you as a friend though. You having a crush on him is no guarantee that he feels the same. And if he doesn't you need to accept and respect that.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (19 August 2015):
 hI,
i think that you & he are still young, still finding yourselves, still deciding many things regarding your respective lives futures & this crush that you have on him, however valid, may not be exactly how he feels toward/about you @ present.
He is enjoying himself, having fun & he is letting you know that he's backpacking & cannot converse with you, during this time.
To be very honest, i doubt he has a real chemical connection with you, because if he did, i would assume that he'd have told you something by now.
You do not bother him, but he is making himself clear to you, regarding his feelings, in small ways.
He has told you that he'll be backpacking, so he's not able to talk to you, but i would say that even after he returns, he may find a way, or some ways of sending you the msg, that he isn't overly keen to start dating you.
I would advise you & he to remain as just friends, for the time being, or @ least until he gives you the green light, as to how he feels toward you.
You could ask yourself these questions.
Do i want to be in an exclusive relationship with this guy?
Would i like him to ask me out in the very near future?
Am i physically &/or sexually attracted to him?
If all your responses for the above questions are yes, then don't hesitate to ask him out for a drink/coffee, if he hasn't yet asked you out.
Even if he says no, then @ least you know where you stand with him, as far as having a deeper relationship is concerned.
He will respect you even more, for being brave enough to ask him out & even though you're female & you may not wish to break from the lovely, male asking female out on the first date tradition, it's quite ok to break from tradition sometimes.
If you guys did end up dating, i am certain that he'd still be a gentleman whilst you both date one another.
If he doesn't behave as you expect, you have the right to politely make your preferences clear.
All the best & let me know how you get on. :-)
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