A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and this guy have been friends for some time but we recently decided to take things a little further. We aren't officially dating or anything but we "talk". Anyway, He has a past of a cheater, but he has been 100% faithful to me. He gives me his passwords, and He tells everyone I am the girl he loves and wants to be with. He lets me go through his phone, he text me all day and every night he calls me until we fall asleep on the phone together . But My ex (who is friends with him), called me saying that the guy I'm "talking" to has a girlfriend . I tried to brush his comment off my shoulder but It made me think so I asked him if it was true. He got extremely mad at me and refused to answer that, he told me that if I want to listen to him then go ahead and that just shows him how much I trust him (the thing is my ex is a compulsive liar). Its not that I was doubting him, although it seemed like it I just wanted reassurance, because the truth of the matter is he was once a player.SO who do I believe ? The ex player who seems to be faithful, but I would never knoworThe compulsive liar of an ex boyfriend?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's the first thing he said to me when I said hello, and when I asked who is this he told me and I hung up. I do not associate with him in anyway. It was a 5 sec conversation.
I guess it does all come down to whether or not that I trust him, and I don't think that I do when it comes to other women. Because he says things like
"Its hard saying no to girls" and "if it wasn't you I probably would of already cheated, but I love you so much id never want to risk losing you, plus none of them interest me the way you do". and that makes me think...
Anyway come to find out the girl that my ex was talking about it my guys ex girlfriend.
I should definitely trust him more than I do because he has yet to give me a reason not too, but just a little skeptical.
ANyway thanks for all the advice !! (: I really appreciate it, its given me peace of mind.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 August 2013):
 Your conversation went way longer than it should have. It should have been "Listen, don't call me again from any number." If he launches into "your boyfriend has a girlfriend" respond "It's none of your business" and hang up.
I stand by my earlier statement. If your ex is a compulsive liar, then your actions, and RE-action to his accusation of your boyfriend should line up with the fact that he's a compulsive liar.
So which is it? Does your ex lie? If YES, then you should be 1000x more suspicious of your ex.
You're destroying your relationship with your current boyfriend. Like CMMP said, if you can't deal with his past, then leave both of them behind.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 August 2013):
I'd let actions speak louder than words. If you have no reason to suspect your boyfriend, then don't.
But the truth seems to be that you don't trust him at all; you've given what you consider to be indisputable evidence that he's faithful, but you question his loyalty, and snoop through his phone.
If you can't handle dating a player, find someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wasn't talking to him behind his back. He called me from a number that was unfamiliar so I answered. And that's what he told me, I said okay and hung up. I even told the guy I'm talking to that he called me. That's the only time he I've talked to him.
But the thing is My ex knows I do not like the particular girl, and that's what made me think he could possibly be lying because he said the guy I'm talking to was talking to her, of all people...
I asked him why did he get so upset when I told him and he said because I always come to him about things that my ex said and that he always clarifies the situation and tells me the truth (which he does), but it seems like I think my exes words are more credible then his. (which they are not).
I asked him why he didn't answer me yes or no, and he said that I should know he is 100% committed to me and this thing we have going on, but if I want an answer, no he isn't dating/hooking up/ or talking to anyone else but me. He even took it as far as to go online and show me his phone records! Am I fool if I still doubt his commitment ? Even though there are no signs what so ever of him being with other girls ? He's proven that he's trustworthy time and time again, but this whole incident set me completely back .
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 August 2013):
Actually, I question your character as much as the others.
You're being very disloyal to your current boyfriend if you're talking to your ex behind his back. If your ex was a compulsive liar, then what the hell are you doing talking to him in the first place?
Do you believe a compulsive liar? NO.
Your current boyfriend is giving you access that I think you shouldn't have anyways with passwords and rifling through his phone and stuff.
You need to stop talking to your ex, because otherwise, it's YOU who is the player now, pretending to be the faithful girlfriend, yet keeping contact with the ex and discussing your current relationship with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): Questions like this confuse me.
Why put up with either of them when there are a million guys out there who will treat you right and give you no reason for distrust?
Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (1 August 2013):
 If he had nothing to hide, he'd have said: "No, of course I don't have another girlfriend."
Find someone who's honest with no dodgy past and you'll be much better off!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 August 2013):
 There is no rule in this life that you have to believe either. Why not show both of them your back as you walk away.
Until you let yourself be attracted to men who are not cheats, or players, or liars, or moochers or whatever other sort of men there may be you will not be able to find a decent man who neither lies nor cheats, and these questions will not need to be asked.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): Your current boyfriend is exhibiting all the classic signs of a charming, manipulative, lying, cheating, controlling scumbag: telling you exactly what you want to hear in order to lure you in but then responding to your inquiry about his possibly having a girlfriend by getting angry before turning the situation around and throwing any blame back in your face, which probably means that for once what your ex told you is true.Sorry, but if you're so naïve and gullible that you'll fall for any guy who shamelessly appeals to your ego and vanity by telling you he loves you and wants to be with you, then you are going to keep falling for creeps and losers, liars and players. If you knew in advance that the "ex"-player was capable of disrespecting women and treating them with contempt, then why would you even want to get involved with a guy like that? He's done nothing to prove that he's really changed, he's simply buttering you up with fawning, flattery and false assurances, just like all the other chicks he's played. Men can't disrespect women who respect themselves.
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