A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was just wondering how best, you ask a female work colleague if she would like to be left alone?Dont get me wrong, it is not like I am harrassing her, however lately sensed that on the occasions when I have tried to strike up a conversation, ie 'how are you?', 'how was your weekend?', or just make a joke, that sort of thing, I walk away feeling like I have been a bit of a pest, as the answers have been less than enthusiastic or in some cases bordering on rude.She has on more than one occasion used the excuse that she is very busy and therefore has to be less pleasant, whereas Im thinking- it doesnt a lot of time to be friendly, its not like Im asking for a half an hour chat. I'm just interested her as a person and being friendly with a colleague is better than not.Should I ask her outright, perhaps ask if she would like to be left alone?, or do you think I should leave her alone and let her come to me if she ever wants to talk about anything (I wont be holding my breath there though) We used to talk and get on very well, that seems to have fizzled out (or it seems she has lost her enthusiasm, not me)Thanks very much for your help.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (31 August 2011):
 Hey you aren't the guy who is chasing after a married lady at work are you?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell through work and since this was written we have 2 or 3 times been in a situation of being alone (as in the only people present at a location) and I have exercised will power by not asking anything about her wanting me to leave her alone. This is because we have had quick discussions admittedly mainly about work but also talking about one or two subjects not relating to work.. and some of these discussions have been started by her.
So Ive held my tongue and talked to her and have to admit i have enjoyed it. What i can't understand is why she is so inconsistent, making it a bit of a lottery on the type of reaction you will get when you do start a conversation. If she doesnt like me, why not just make it fully obvious and tell me (I guess in a suitable way) rather than at present, where she is pleasant one minute, less so the next.
I guess this could be the topic of a separate question in itself- in regards to inconsistency, being hot and cold, etc.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for taking the time to answer- very helpful advice, I will see what happens from here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): Maybe she doesn't like you. I know there are some people I don't like for no reason whatsoever. They are good and nice people who never did me any harm but I just don't like them. It is not my choice to feel that way and I feel guilty because of it. It is just a fact of life, some people you like, some you don't. Don't take it too seriously, there is no person in this world who is liked by everybody. No matter how good you are and how much qualities you have, there will always be people who will take a dislike to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): No, don't ask her. If you feel you are a pest, take a step back and let her come to you. Once you back off, you will be able to determine what level of contact is comfortable for her by how often she talks to you.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (29 August 2011):
 I wouldn't ask her straight out. That's pretty pointed, and naturally she'll say "no, no... I don't want to be left alone" - because if she says yes, she'll look like a jerk, or at least feel like one.
If you're getting distant vibes, just distance yourself. Always offer a smile, hello - be cordial, but stop making conversation. She's been giving you cues to leave her to her business, and I would just pick up on them and give her the professional space she'd like. Good luck!
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