A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a loving trusting gay relationship with my bf.We had a rocky patch a month ago, due to a misunderstanding and trust issues being damaged, but once everything was cleared and communication back to being open it was sorted and now we are stronger than ever and our trust has been found again.My bf has a profile on a dating site that he has had for many years. he told he me has one and that it is inactive, that he can see how many "hits" he gets on his profile, his fans and people that send him messages but he does not reply as he does not subscribe nor has reason to reply as he has me and is not looking for anything.Thing is I found his profile which he doesn't know I found, has his description says looking for friends, just penpals, open to possibilities, and for relationship - status ask me later. so I am assuming the relationship status was changed when we were going thru our rough patch.I trust him and I know that he would not cheat on me!That I know and I do trust him fully, it just bugs me that he goes onto this profile almost everyday to check his profile hits and I feel uncomfortable with it.when we had our argument last month and he said the profile was no form of cheating and that he has had it forever but has never done or gone further with it.I went the extra step and looked up the profile.Since our relationship is great again, I am afraid of asking about it as he will feel that I do not trust him, but at the same time feel insecure not on his behalf, on the behalf of other men flirting with him.Do I approach him and ask for him to deactive this profile, do I tell him I found it, its not that I do not trust him I feel that it is not right to be looking for friends on a dating site when other people on a dating site are not looking for friends but looking for more!?
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male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (29 November 2010):
If you are convinced he is not cheating, perhaps he is insecure and uses the hits he gets and messages as a morale booster? Have you thought about this possibility?
On the other hand, you say you trust him, but you obviously have enough doubts to go checking out his profile. Do you know for sure he cannot respond to any messages?
This is devious method and he would go mental if he found out, but another way of finding out instead of confronting him and arguing, you could perhaps do the following:
Register for the site as a different person with a different picture and send him a message and see what happens.
I'm not saying it's the right thing to do, but it doesn't sound as if you're going to get anywhere talking based on what you said. That is if my first suggestion is ruled out.
A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (29 November 2010):
 I had this problem with a guy I was seeing. He said he was just chatting to people, and that he had never asked me to take my profile or ID off anything ( which was true) HOWEVER, if it makes the other person uncomfortable, and unhappy, then why not remove it? I totally understand where you're coming from. I used to go in and check, and my now ex BF was logging in everyday. You could just gently say - 'So how you finding the dating website these days ? with a smile on youe face. See what reaction you get. Some people do literally just look for chats on these sites, and since your relationship is good and on track, then I doubt he would do anything to sabotage that. I went as fas as setting up two fake ID;s and approched him through the site, and dangled the carrot so to speak. He didn;t bite the bait and refused to flirt or be drawn into any type of meeting etc, so that calmed me down .. a bit!! but I don;t not suggest you do that.!!.. it;s pretty scary. Just see what he says when you mention it in a lighthearted way. You probably have nothing to worry about - or you could say , Hey, look it makes me uncomfortable, and if he refuses to take is down, then maybe he is being a bit selfish? Good luck. xxx
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