A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met my ex-gf for drinks for the first time in months. She actually asked me out. We work for the same company so it was more like a work stress relief. She felt like she wanted to clear the air between us. It was a rocky separation; but the main reason we separated was because I wasn't ready for a relationship or a gay/ lesbian relationship. We had a nice dinner/drinks; we talked about each other dating experiences. It felt more like if she still had feelings for me; but I kept it cool and I pretended that I didn't care about her anymore and that I had no feelings for her. I honestly don't want to get hurt again. Breaking up with her was one of the hardest thing I ever had to deal with and I am afraid to get involved with her again. My question is: It has been about two weeks since we had dinner/drinks and ever since I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I feel very strongly about her and I wonder if she feels the same way. I am trying to keep things professionally but it keeps getting harder and harder every single day. I feel like I love her and I want to be with her. I dont' want to seem desperate. I told her I wasn't dating anybody at the moment and she isn't dating anybody right now. I don't know what to do.... Do I act crazy and tell her how much Iove her or just move on with life.....
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 March 2014):
 As a gay woman, I can tell you my biggest hesitation would be whether or not you are actually ready for a gay relationship at this point. If you broke up on account of your inability to wish to live a gay lifestyle or at least your uncertainty of it, than if I were your ex, I'd be very unsure about taking you back.
I think you should tell her how you feel because .. why not? Life is too short and it sounds like she's still got feelings for you. And also, what is there to lose, realistically? That being said, though, really take the time to think about if this is truly what you want. because the last thing you need to do is pour your heart out to her and get her to take you back, only to realize you still aren't ready for a gay relationship. That would be very unfair to your ex.
If you do believe, whole heartedly, that this is what you want, communicate it to her. Let her know you've had time to think and regret your past actions and decisions.
It's an unfortunate bi-product of many gay relationships; initial fear and rejection of that lifestyle once the relationship actually gets serious. I've been with my gf for quite a while now and she had never been with a woman before me. And we went through that phase where she was freaking out about her sexuality. She pushed me away and all that fun stuff. But she came back and we talked about it and we have been okay since. And she's now at one with our relationship.
Anyway, good luck.
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