A
female
age
36-40,
*leudancer
writes:Do guys date their friend's former flames? I dated this guy for a month or so and regrettably we slept together. Things went way too fast, he was very aggressive and self absorbed, traits I didn't notice until my feet touched the ground again (not sexually guys!) He didn't contact me very often and and when we did hang out it was strictly romantic, no light fun activities. In the end I was crushed because I really liked him but we weren't "looking for the same things." He's away for the season and now his friend is wanting to hang out with me. Super surprising to me because he never talked to me that much when I was dating his friend. Granted I only saw this guy a few times before. This guy isn't very aggressive and seems to want to know everything about me. When we hang out we do outdoorsy things and I don't feel like he's very into me, we're more like friends, but in actuality we aren't yet. He's initiated the contact and is very keen on continuing our friendship. We have kept in contact consistently every day for the last week and a half through email, once by phone and text messages. I think he likes me as my friend mentioned that he had heard amongst our group of friends when I wasn't around. I can't exactly tell though. From my experience most guys don't hang out with random girls unless they have an interest in them. They also don't spend the time getting to know them too well if they just want to get down. I'm hesitant to get involved with this guy because I dated and slept with his friend. If say he and I develop into something more would he have a problem with it? Is it ok that we're interested in each other considering I dated his friend? Do guys care about these things? I don't know how close they are to each other either. Thanks =)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): Yeah guy's do care about these things. I don't mean that the other guy will feel jealous or threatened but rather your reputation will be on the line. People talk, men talk. And they do notice things like that and are often quick to label a woman who dates among friends. And it will not be a nice label.
You are better off saving your reputation and not taking it to that level. You really don't know this guy's intentions. He knew you slept with his friend in a matter of a short time, maybe he is trying his own luck. You never know. Furthermore if he is capable of moving in on a girl his friend dated that shows that the other guy didn't have much respect for you and has no problem passing you along to his friend.
You don't think this new guy knows this? Or has even talked to the other guy about it? Of course he has.
You were labeled by the other guy as potentially "easy." And now his friend wants to try his luck with you too. Don't be so easily fooled. All my guy friends have played this same thing on girls. A girl who hooks up with one guy, automatically is seen as someone who will sleep with the other boy's.
Save your dignity, save your reputation and DO NOT date among friends. If you do, your reputation will be tainted. If you don't, these boy's will gain a higher sense of respect for you and will have nothing to hold against you. It is up to you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): There are loads of other people to date and I suggest that you find someone other then your ex boyfriend's budy.
Motives for making out with someone in the same circle of friends will always be queried - easiest thing is to find someone new and avoid all the recriminations.
Tough but fair.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (29 December 2010):
 Well, there's an old saying I'm sure you've heard before: All is fair in love an war. Don't care about your ex. Things didn't work out between you two and what's done is done. Yes, this going wouldn't be going out of his way to get to know you if he wasn't interested in you. It sounds like he's just shy and pretty much the exact opposite of your ex. I'd say he's very interested in you in fact. If you like this guy, go for it. Will your ex have a problem with it? That's hard to say. Some guys are bothered by it, some guys aren't. That's why you can't worry about it because it's out of your control. I'd hate to see you pass up a really great guy because his friend MIGHT have a problem with it.
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