A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:advice from any guys on here would be great..my ex boyfriend has been partying non stop since our breakup a little over a month ago..i've heard through mutual friends and through social media that he has been going away every weekend, going out every night, hanging out with random people, etc..funny because he would preach to me that he wants to live a more responsible healthy life and settle down with me..we are not that young he should have all of this out of his system already.so why would a guy leave a beautiful girl who treated him amazing..whom he claims he loves and wanted a future with?is this how guys handle a breakup? i wonder if he thinks about me and misses me like i do him..do guys come back after they've realized that life isn't that great?
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female
reader, Staceily +, writes (5 August 2013):
 Yes, they can. But unless something fundamentally changes with the relationship it will repeat itself all over again. Whether or not your ex will come back no one can say, not even him. It is possible he will be out there partying and miss you and want to come back to the relationship when he sees its not all that great. And it's also possible he misses you while partying but remembers the reasons you broke up and continues to go out to distract himself and move on.
What you need to do is work on yourself. Don't focus on him and what he is doing, absolutely stop following his social sites! It only hurts you, stop subjecting yourself to pain. Work on yourself, focus on yourself, be the best person you can be. Get a makeover, find a new hobby, join a group activity like volunteering, get out there and do different things. If he were to ever come back that would be the only way. You would both need to change in order to ever work. And seeing you happy and doing well could make him want you. Seeing an ex doing well reminds people of why they fell in love in the first place, all the good qualities about the person. Even if it didn't cause him to come back you will still feel like a better person, it's a win win.
So mourn him a little. Block his social sites so you aren't tempted to look. And get out there on your own. If its meant to be then in the future he can contact you explaining what an ass he made of himself and you can decide if you even want him anymore. Take control of yourself. You don't have to wait around for anyone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2013): Men are not as outwardly emotional as women. We do not publicly display our feelings. We are taught that is not masculine. That it is a sign of weakness. Women are more prone to emotionalizing and verbalizing their feelings.
Males are biologically different; so we may have a different reaction under certain stressful situations. Your ex is running from himself, and his pain. At the same time, he is like an animal who has been caged, or pent up, for a long time.
He is afraid that if he keeps still, his feelings will catch up to him. At the same time, he is celebrating his freedom. The more he misbehaves, the more pain he is internalizing.
Don't get any notions this is because he wants to come home. He doesn't want to. He just doesn't want to feel grief for the loss. He doesn't want to think about the separation. He doesn't want to deal with you and your emotions.
His emotions and your emotions are the same on the inside, but he will show them differently on the outside.
Must of the behavior you see is the guy's way of responding to pain.
You spend time sulking and crying. He may do this at some point; but he finds that too unmanly. So he has to show his male friends and you, that he isn't beaten down or emotional. He feels pain. He feels a lot of it. He just isn't going to sit still, and let it wash all over him.
If he doesn't slow down to deal with his grief and the pain of his loss, he will act out foolishly and might be a little self-destructive.
He is out of control, because of his pain. He can't out-run it; but he doesn't know any other way to handle it. It will not work. He has to face it. It will catch up with him and hit him hard. There is no escaping the pain of a breakup.
His male friends are encouraging him to get out and chase women, thinking it will give him comfort and relief. Only temporarily. He'll rebound and hurt a lot of innocent women.
He'll find that he can't sooth the pain just by having sex or drinking. He must undergo the same emotional processes you're going through. He will literally experience a form of chemical withdrawal from the endorphins that were once released when you were in the better stages of your past relationship. You were someone hooked on each other.
Thus the pain you feel, the obsessing, and ruminating endlessly of him and your old relationship. It will plague you day and night.
You will get over it.
The less you track him on social media, the better off you will be. He hurts, he even misses you, but my dear; he doesn't want you back.
So initiate your healing with this in mind. You didn't say if he dumped you; but I gather he did; because you're the one who wants to know if he will come back.
The answer is, no. He isn't coming back. You will not really want him back; because it will not be the same as before. You can't pick up where you left off. The old relationship is dead, and ended for a reason.
His carousing is all a big facade. He is hurting like you wouldn't believe. Not because he wants you back; but because the relationship failed, and that hurts.
He does miss you and have good memories; but there is a reason your relationship didn't work. Regardless of how much you put into it. Perhaps you were giving more than he deserved.
He is gone now. You have to pull yourself together to survive without him. You need to end all contact. Stop torturing yourself over his whereabouts and activities.
You are no longer his girlfriend. What he does now is none of your business. What you do is none of his.
Leave his friends alone. Stop asking about. You may as well stab yourself in the heart. Don't torment yourself like that.
I've written three articles to help people going through a
break up. I got dumped in April. I thought everything was great. It just happened out of the blue.
Please read my articles and let me know if they help you at all. You deserve the comfort. I hope I can help you feel a little better. It has only been a month, and it's a long journey to recovery, my dear. I'm a lot better now. I'm getting through it. I didn't think I could.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 August 2013):
It sounds like he's realizing that life IS great, so I'm not sure your question applies. But, if that's not the case than yes, people will often go back into the arms of their ex if they realize that they were better than what's out there.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 August 2013):
 Why did you break up? Maybe there's a reason he feels the need to go a bit wild and put it out there on social media. Maybe he doesn't want to settle down with you and live healthy. Maybe he has a drinking problem. Maybe he's just not a settle down kind of guy?There's a chance he'll miss you at some point, but don't wait around hoping he'll have an 'aha!' moment. Instead, put it out there that you are moving on as well and if he has any interest in resuming a relationship with you, he'll have to take some action.If you are a beautiful girl who treats a man well, you will no doubt find another more appreciative man unless you are hanging on to your ex.How long were you together?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2013): More information would be helpful. Who broke up with whom? What was the rationale?Lacking that, it's hard to give anything more than a very general answer.I can say that I'm the only woman at my workplace and so alllll the guys tell me about problems in their love lives. The ones I know who partied big time after their breakups did so because (according to them) they felt bored in and restricted by the relationships they'd just gotten out of. Either because they'd dated the same girl from a young age and felt they were missing out on the chance to see what else was out there, or because they'd been with a partner they felt was controlling and/or clingy. (I'm not saying this was 100% the case; my coworkers aren't saints themselves. I never met most of these women and so I can't judge; the important part is that justified or not, that is how these guys FELT in deciding to leave relationships.)A few of these guys have gone back to exes after finding that steady sex as a single man wasn't quite so easy to come by, but I don't think any of those reunions have lasted. It seems like once a couple gets into that on again/off again cycle the relationship never really recovers from it.Hope this helps give you some perspective.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2013): "so why would a guy leave a beautiful girl who treated him amazing..whom he claims he loves and wanted a future with?"Sorry, but maybe he didn't love you or he thought he did, but his heart/mind changed. "is this how guys handle a breakup? i wonder if he thinks about me and misses me like i do him.."Men and women handle breakups differently. It depends on the individual and their feelings for the terminated relationship, their method for coping, etc. Don't think everyone parties after a breakup. There is no point in wondering if he misses you. The relationship is over until he decided to come back to you - which I wouldn't count on too much. "do guys come back after they've realized that life isn't that great?"What do you mean? Relationships sometimes end because one person wasn't happy in the relationship. I don't know the reason for your breakup, but maybe he wants to be single and is thus happier? Perhaps life will continue to be or seem great to him. He could possibly come begging for you to take him back, but probably only after he can't find another girl(s), can't find a job, is running low on cash, etc...Which in that case, he's just using you. Move along. There's little use in pondering on these types of things.
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