A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why can't I attract anyone? What am I doing wrong?I'm 22, I'm at university, I work out, I watch what I eat, I'm by no means a bad looking guy... and yet when I go out I seem to get a few looks from girls, but that's all. No clear cut signs of interest. As a student, clubs are the usual place people go for nights out (or, that seems to be the way of it anyway) The past two nights I've been out there has been a couple of girls who have winked at me or given me some kind of sign that they're interested, but they did this WHILE they were dancing with some other guy! Even after the guy eventually moved away when I made an approach they just seemed to turn away, uninterested.I don't want to come across as somebody who's desperate because that's a bit turn off for women. Instead I've tried to appear confident and like I'm just out to have a fun night, but I don't know, maybe I'm still showing some signs of desperation. How do I shake that off? I know it's not going to get me anywhere, so what more can I do to hide it?It's not like I haven't attracted anyone before. I met a couple of significant partners in clubs, both times it happened while ordering a drink, both times it lead to dancing and both times it lead to going back to there's for sex! From there we were in a relationship for 9 months and 5 months respectively. But it's not even like I'm asking for anything significant or long term. At this time I'd be happy enough to just have a bit of a kiss, just something to give me a boost in confidence.Is there any advice you can give me? I'm so sick of that feeling of going home alone and waking up with these same stupid questions going through my head. Please help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): Don't let people think that girls are some other species who need special treatment, be yourself.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 The number one reason why girls and guy aren't hooking up is because they don't flirt. They don't put themselves out there. They don't smile, invite others on for conversation, start conversation, or make the first approach. In your case I think this is what is happening as well. You don't sound desperate, quite the contrary you sound like you don't reach out at all! So some girls flirt a little at the dancefloor... maybe you get the hints wrong. If a girl was flirting with you while she was dancing she'd welcome your attention. Or, it could be she just dances that way? Or that she only wanted a guy to dance with and not interested in conversation?Whatever it is, it sounds like thats the only time you think you get some attention from girls! Which obviously can not be true, we girls check out guys all the time. "No clear cut signs of interest" Girls are subtle and most of you guys are too blind to see it unless we push it up in your faces. You got to learn how to read the signs! And you must learn how to flirt back!Most girls don't go to clubs to find a boyfriend. Most girls think the club is a meatmarket, and guys there only want sex. So, a club isn't actually the best place to go to find a girlfriend. It could work, as you've done it twice, and I've done it myself. But most women view clubs as a bad place to look for guys, so they go elsewhere! That is why you too must go elsewhere! Learn to flirt and how to chat up women in a casual way. Number one rule though is that you can't sit around and wait for a woman to fall into your lap, you have to take active steps yourself, you must flirt (smile!!) and court her. Be nice, a gentleman, honest, and very soon a girl who appreciates that will stick to you like glue.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): One you need to look for girls somewhere else besides a club. Two if a women seems interested walk up to her. Don't have her come to you. Don't seem confident BE confident. Go to a park or somewhere that doesn't involve people grinding on each other. And don't always be out looking for a girlfriend look for friends. Your young someone will come your way. : ) Happy dating!
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