A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi my long term partner walked out on me in a temper a couple of months ago - we have seen each other on-off since then and although i love him dearly i don't hold out much hopes of a proper sustainable reconciliation ad he is having some sort of mid life crisis and is blaming his ex wife and myself for all his problems and upset!I am 42 and have been approached by an attractive man in his early 30's who seems nice, fun etc and wants to have a no strings sort of fling, or a sort of friends with benefits type interaction. I do fancy him and he seems nice etc but I am a bit dubious. Does anyone have any experience of 'flings' (i have only ever had long term relationships, first with the father of my children, then with my just recent ex partner) so although 40, am limited in my experience!! Do flings work ok or do they end in tears because somebody (usually the woman i would guess!) ends up getting attached?? If flings for fun and sex and friendship etc do work, what is the best way to handle them to avoid getting attached and then hurt!! Any advice would be gratefully received. Thank you :)
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ex-wife, friend with benefits, his ex, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): My advice is don't do it. You indicate that in your past you have only had a couple serious relationships, I am guessing thats because you take relationships and intimacy seriously. I think you would be untrue to yourself to think you can just have sex for fun and not get attached and hurt. Don't do anything you'll regret and don't let anyone with a different world view than your own convince you this type thing is OK for you.
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (25 March 2008):
 HII would say its a suck it n see thing really!I was always only in long term relationships, and when i split from someone last yr, i decided to just go down the friends with benefits route. Just to give it a go, as i wasn't interested in getting into anything too serious at the time. But to be honest, i didn't go a bundle on it :o(Was worth a try, but in our case, the guy got a bit attached, even though i had always made it clear it wasn't going anywhere. So until you give it a go, you wont know. I have tried one night stands, and the friends with benefits, and to be honest, nowdays, until i meet someone i want to get serious with, i wont be handing sex over. Full stop.Good luck with what you decide.C xxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): A no strings attachment never work, there are even reports from the USA and UK showing that eventually, at least one begins to have feelings, and becomes heart broken when they are one of many in the others life.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 March 2008):
 Not all of us can do the no-strings attached sex thing. It maybe because it doesn't fit our self-image or goes against our upbrinding.
It may be hormons. Oxytocin is released during orgasm and this hormone has powerfull influences on our action. Both men and women have it although usually texts only discuss its effect on women.
So depending on who you are and how much you "feel" during sex, this thing could not be for you.
Others thrive on this kind of lifestyle. Since you are asking, I presume you fall in the first group. Proceed with caution. Friends with benefits can work, but only if two people either are just mates and can do the no-strings sex thing or are really good friends who just ain't right for a relationship and both accept this.
Oh and it not just the women who end up attached.
Proceed with caution, heartbreak ahead.
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