A
female
age
36-40,
*osycheeks
writes:Do emotionally unavailable men, guys who are scared to committing in exclusive relationships, the type that always like to keep their options open.. do they know they have this problem in themselves?They know how to woo a girl, and treat them nicely, and perhaps really like them, so much so to be the one, but then wimp out when it comes to crunch time, and say its not going to work for x y z reason, lets be mates. do they realise this the whole time? and enjoy the manipulation that comes along with knowing they wont commit? even they are longing to.. any thoughts from those types of guys out there? or woman that know about these....? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, rosycheeks +, writes (24 September 2010):
rosycheeks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI came across the word anxiety today.. and it reminded me of this guy I am talking about.. he got depressed often, and was always fearful of doing anything out of the ordinary, flying etc, Never slept properly, and used to talk about not being able to concentrate at work. He'd had an awful traumatic experience about a parent in an accident...
so thats why i was interested in the anon girl telling me a little more into that experience.
I think I've only gone into this amount of thought - because a) i always think like to understand things. and b) because he was a friend.
although i dont think i could ever tell him what ive really though, post his lets be friends email. he'll just tell me im nuts! haha.
A
female
reader, rosycheeks +, writes (24 September 2010):
rosycheeks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionInteresting point miss female reader, so when did you realise it was an internal problem? and how did you finally confront it? Did any of the guys ever tell you they thought you had a problem? would you deny it? Just find this stuff interesting.. as it has also helped me to spot out future mistakes. I only got blinded by this because it was kinda long distance, and I took certain things with a pinch of salt because, frankly it wasnt anything to do with me, until a point where it may have been i would become his gf. If it had ever got that far. But i know i wont be the last, certianly was not the first. The way he used to talk about 'exes/fwb' - i thought was just banter, but things just make so much sense now! hes reaching 30 and is dying to settle, 'to meet the one' hes a knowlegeable lad also, I always enjoyed conversations, banter and the charm! oh the charm !!!!strontimug, oh I totally understand what you mean, the guy might just not be that into her etc etc. But believe me when I say I am not one to easily like a guy, I didn't even fall for this particular guy, he persued me all the way - 4/5 years as friends, then 4/5 months of courting..I was just really enjoying it for what it was, but it got to a point where I had to decide if we were to move forward or move on. But just soooooooooooo many things screamed at me, as soon as I confronted him about it. He suddenly said i was loosing it and freaking out on him. I was just merely asking whats what. Wasnt a big deal. It just became clear, and I didn't take it personally at all, ive actually learned a lot and really enjoyed the experience, what girl doesnt like being wooo'ed afterall! But it didnt get far enough to be hurt by it. Only for about 20 minutes I was actually really offended by the harsh and distant email I got about how he saw it. Was just wishy washy have his cake and eat it, but still be mates... it was a naive thing to say.. plus we were really good pals for 4 years beforehand, again persued by him!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 I agree with Strontiumdog.
I just want to add that emotionally unavailable and not willing to commit are not necessarily the same thing.
One can be able to feel,show and share emotions- and not wanting to commit for life right now. Or not wanting to commit to you.
Committment is not mandatory. For some people refusing to commit may be an escape from responsibility,a Peter Pan complex- but for others is simply the most fitting choice for their current state of mind and life circumstances.
In both cases, they seldom "have a problem" with that - the problem belongs to the person who keeps chasing after unavailable partners and tryng to change them into something that they don't want to be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): hiya hun. i think that people with commitment problems are sort of aware of their problem but just not ready to deal with it yet. they cover it up with a thick layer of personality and charm, but underneath it all, they are seriously insecure people. i know because i was one of those women (its not just men) who couldnt commit. kept hurting one guy after another because all i wanted was another hit, another person to make me feel special and good about myself because the person i had been with wasn't new anymore, and i truly believed that they could do better than me. its harsh, very harsh, but just know that in all honesty, nothing is ever personal. you deserve a guy who wont mess you around, so once you figure out that this guy is a bit of a committmentphobic and if you feel used and manipulated, dont waste precious time and energy worrying about what happened and being angry about it. people are the way they are, people can be selfish and cruel and blind to what they do to others. but someday they will understand their issues. and they will work through them. in the meantime, girl, take some time for yourself and work out why these disfunctional men are coming into your life. cos there is always a reason. once you can get passed it, you'll find someone who will appreciate you and love you and not hurt you. and you know you deserve that. just you wait and see. try the affirmation 'i only attract loving and nurturing people into my life'. i did this for a week, and saw amazing results :) love and peace darlin x
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