A
female
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*ucy267
writes:My husband left 6 wks ago to be with his lover,now bear with me as this is confusing and long please.he had been seeing her over the past year or so( we were married 12yrs nad have 2 kids).after 4wks apart i filed for divorce.i began to get my life and that of our kids on track.christmas eve she threw him out saying she couldnt live with him. i still loved him so asked him to come home.He did.the next morning he had got so many texts from her saying how stupid she had been and that if he came back to her she would give him the commitment he wanted from her.He left me again.when he got there however she told him she didnt want him..she just wanted the sex, but she didnt want him to go back to me. he swore and left her.he has sworn never to have anything to do with her again.now i still love him but dont want to be a doormat.i told him i am still proceding with the divorce but that i hope we can be friends at least..after all he does still have some feelings for me.he doesnt know now what he thinks anymore so i told him he needs time to get his act together.the thing is part of me hopes that in the future he will want me again...is this stupid of me to hope for? do people who have divorced after affairs ever have a hope of reconciliation?has anybody had this happen? what was the outcome?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): I am an ex-husband in a similiar, but opposite situation. My wife and I separated after being married for 3 years. I found out that during the separation, which lasted for 4-5 months she had sex with her ex-lover (who is also married) I tried to make it work, but she kept contacting him by email, phone calls, and text messaging. I felt that I could never trust her again and I started having my own affair. That did not make things better at all, it only complicated things a lot. I finally decided to divorce her after we got into this big fight while her friend from chicago was living with us (which is a no-no). No I did not have sex with the friend, but her being there complicated our fight to a point where we did not resolve it because she involved her friend. Now that I have moved out and want to move on she keeps saying that she wants us to get remarried and live happily ever after. I don't think that I can do that at all, it will not work for me. I don't think that you can forget and forgive and move on in a remarriage. I think that it is doomed from that point on. How can you ever trust that person again? Good luck because you are going to need it.Sincerely, ME.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): Hi My husband had an affair that last over one yaar. I caught them together and kicked him out. He went to the other woman for a couple of months. I had started getting my life back on track when one night he was knocking on my door.I have been with my husband since year 7 at high school and am now 38. i Took him back 4 yars ago and we did extensive councelling. I just want to give you a couple of words of addivse if you decide to take him back1. You have to forgive him if you ever want to trust him again. dont go following or be paranoid cause it will do your head in2. He has to be able to show you all the lvoe and affection in the world. Make him committ to this. For it takes lots of tear hugs and kisses to fix the pain.3 promis to yourself that after coucelling you give him a go and dont mention the affair even in an arguement4 Dont worry about what family or friends say. What ever decison you make you must be able to sleep at night.My hsuband had been back for 4 years the first couple were great but now he acts as though he is king shit and is mentally abusing me to the point that i am about to pack up and leave.cheers
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): Yes, you still do. End of Jan i'll be divorced from my husband of 7 years for a year, and everyday i still wish things could have been different for us.
We have a beautiful 2 year old daughter and he's a wonderful father. We had such a great marriage, really we did, untill another woman cried on he's shoulders about her failed marriage. So, at the end of the day they both got divorced and are living together now.
But, sadly, he's not happy. Now in Dec he admitted that he misses our life together and what we had. We were really good together but he keeps on saying he's confused. Still, after a year, without any interferance from my side, he's still confused.
He says he loves me, but he's not leaving her to fight for me. So i don't understand.
Anyways, totally off the subject now - but even though my heart was and still is broken in 1000000000000 pieces, if he really made an effort i would take him back in a heart beat. Work thru things slowly, not just jump into bed again. But i still love him like i've done from the start.
I know everyone keeps on saying you are stupid to take a cheating x back, but who are they to judge? Only you know your heart and how you feel.
So the answer to your question is : Yes, i do think that it can work out again.
I surely hope so for me.
Good luck
CJ
from South Africa
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): If he learns from it then it could make you both stronger, but he really needs to earn your trust again tell him next time it will be all over and you have to mean it good luck
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