A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my current boyfriend for 3 and a half years. He has said he loves me about 3 or 4 times in our entire relationship, and it has always been prompted. He rarely tells me he likes me, cares about me, is proud of me, compliments me, etc. (by rare, i mean once every 2-3 months). He says he just doesn't think to say it, and says he's never been one to compliment much. He used to not be able to project in the future very far with our relationship but is getting a bit better, we can now think/talk about a few months ahead. I am absolutely sure that I love him, I may even be in love with him. He does not talk to his friends or mother about our relationship at all. He says this is because he is private and doesn't want to share details of our relationship - it sometimes makes me feel like he is ashamed or unsure of me. Both of us have been completely faithful to the relationship as far as I know. The other side of the coin: We can talk about anything, we have talked about everything from marriage to having and raising children, he is there for me when ever I am in need, will listen to me unconditionally and genuinely seems to care about me. I do the same for him. However, when pressed, he says things like "I care about you, I just don't know how much" and "I feel like you want me to be crazy, head over heels in love with you" (which isn't true, I would be happy hearing any unprompted affirmations at all!). So basically, if I look at just his actions, I would assume he loves me very much. We are even currently doing a 'test run' living together to see if it would work, we both are pretty happy with it so far. If I look at what he says to me and others, it does not match up with what he DOES. Do actions really speak louder than words...? I am wondering if this is a relationship I should stick around in and try for the long haul, or get out now, because he's never going to love me. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, redshoes83  +, writes (26 August 2009):
 Oh this sounds complicated because you can only believe what he tells you he feels. What he says to you is true. If he knows that you want a bit more affection or a more loving sort of relationship, why doesn't he try a bit harder to give you that. I understand sometimes men feel awkward or even embarrassed to admit thier feelings or say them unprompted. I have a similar thing with my boyfriend, instead of saying 'i love you so much' one of us will say 'i love you, but you love me a bit more...' or he will come over and hug me and say 'ohhh you're so lucky!' to which i will reply 'errr you're lucky'. We know what we mean but it sounds a bit silly. Maybe you could try throwing a compliment to yourself out there and see what he says.. you know something like 'you are so lucky!' or 'don't you have an amazing girlfriend?'.because if he doesn't start making you feel special soon, you will get bored of searching for his affections and your feelings will probably start to dwindle anyway. you deserve to feel loved, especially if he says he loves you.good luck girl!
|
