A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I really need some advice because I am stressed out totally. My partner left me last year and I still really miss him. My main stress at the moment is my daughters. I have an underlying health condition but I can still work full time. I have to wake up at around 7am and try to be in bed by 11 so I can get enough sleep. I am a single parent and I do all the cleaning and shopping etc .. My daughters are 22 and 18 and both in education. My older daughter is at university but went part time this year and recently moved back home after living in her own flat but she found she couldn't afford it. I am getting worn out with tiredness because she comes in late (11 or 12pm) and then has a shower, makes stuff to eat in the kitchen and our house is only small and this makes a lot of noise. She is very nocturnal and I have asked her to come in early but it falls on deaf ears. She puts the washing machine on late at night which wakes me up and I then can't sleep and have to get up early for work and she then sleeps in! Has anyone else had this problem and how did you deal with hit? I am absolutely exhausted from being kept up all night with noise including the phone ringing because he BF calls her late and having to wake up and go to work plus do all the chores. She has just found a part time job and I think she only moved home because it was too expensive having her own flat. She is not rude to me or anything like that but is just inconsiderate. Her sister is not too bad but she gets influenced when my older daughter is here. Also, I have to budget and her being so nocturnal means her having the lights and TV on at night but she is not earning or contributing any money. I don't expect rent from her but I have told her if she wants to live here a small contribution will have to be made, even if it is nominal. During one conversation about it she actually suggested that I take sleeping tablets! I responded that I would not be doing that but she needs to go to bed at a reasonable time and keep the noise down and if she is not ready to sleep she can read or something .. Any comments would be appreciated. Thank you for reading this.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 March 2010):
 You are the boss, daughter or no daughter. If she wants to live at your place, you set the rules.
Every house must have rules or there will be a riot.
Tell her that she needs to cooperate with you and explain your reasons.
She should be able to see your perspective and understands that it is causing your health to deteriorate.
Persuasion is always the best but if it falls on deaf ears, you would have to use the stick.
She has to move out if she disobeys your rules. If she cannot respect you , then you have the right to ask her to get out .
Your health is more important.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (3 March 2010):
Oh dear. Sorry about your stress! You may need to give her ultimatum; keep it down or leave. What you are saying is not unreasonable; your house your rules. There are also practical things like putting the phone on a quieter ringing tone, reducing volume of tv etc. But she should try do most of her other clanging about in the morning. I don't think you will have much luck with a curfew at her age, but she definitely needs to rather tiptoe about if she is going to come in late. Tell her how its affecting you. As for financial contribution, just asking her to pay something without specifying what exactly, is not enough. Give her the electricity bill or the gas bill OR both! Then those bills become her issue to deal with every month.
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