A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm divorced for 3 years. My female friend who I've know for decades is divorced for about a year. We were never close friends and we never had any kind of issues. I find myself very attracted to her but really don't know if she has any interest in me. Knowing it took me a good year to feel better after my wife divorced me, I'm just assuming she would need at least a year before I ask her out for a date. My latest assumption is that peoples needs and recovery times are all different. I believe her divorce was much less traumatic than what I went through. My friend said after a year I should not wait, if I don't want to miss the bus I should tell her I'm interested in dating her. What do you think?.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2013): I think you should ask her out for a lunch date to get caught up. keep conversation light and fun. Let her be able to relax, and let your charms delight her.
Don't be nosy or too inquisitive. Information regarding her feelings and her divorce is to be given voluntarily. She owes you no details of her personal life; if you're really not that close.
She may have absolutely no interest in you, or any man at this point in her life. That is what can be revealed, if you don't cross-examine her about her life on the suggested lunch-date. I can't over-emphasize the point not to be pushy. You get people to open up if they don't feel too rushed, or you're not being too personal.Don't be anxious or too eager. It shows in body-language.
Lunch-dates or coffee is less formal than dinner. It is also less intimate; being during the day. She will see it as more of a friendly gesture; rather than more. That gives you a little wiggle-room; if you've romanticized things beyond what they may be in reality. Just realize, you're the one with intentions, she is just the object of your interest.
Romanticizing may create false expectations; so don't let your loneliness get the better of you. Slow down, take a deep breath, and let your experience and maturity guide you through this. I recommend you use your sense of logic to maneuver your way for now. Then let emotion take over when you realize you are both on the same page.
I hope this makes sense.
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