A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I'm on the upper end of 16-17. I'm a pretty screwed up person in general... but I'm going to ask about one problem on this occasion. Should I be disturbed by pedophiliac urges? Yes, okay I probably should be... stupid question. I would never act on it of course, but I met my (not actually blood-related) cousin a few days ago, who is extremely young, and started feeling urges to have a relationship with her. Obviously, not now, but I couldn't help thinking that in 15 years time it could work (she seemed to like me a lot but obviously it would have been platonic/familial). I feel an urge to see her in future (I hadn't met her until now, but in a sense I fear I want to groom her for a sexual relationship when she is older. That's how I was feeling - I hate myself for it, of course. I often have these sort of urges though. I worry a lot of it is because of my obsession with the TV show South Park, in which the main characters are a group of precociously mature children. I am also attracted to them in an increasingly disturbing way. I realise this is very screwed up, but I feel so disturbed by these predatory urges towards my cousin. It's utterly wrong that I'm thinking about a young child in this way (even though I wouldn't actually try anything unless she was at least 17+). I'm not really asking for advice, I just wanted to get this out because I feel so disturbed. And yes I am female (gay). Please don't tell me I'm ****ed up, because I already know, and please don't call me a criminal etc. because I haven't/wouldn't actually act on anything.Maybe I just need a girlfriend IRL...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): The fact that you´re disturbed by those urges shows that your character and sould are strong enough to withstand.
It is ok as long as you can maintain that control but you shouldn´t turn your back on her because you feel uneasy. And reading your Post i can´t imagine you doing anything like that.
when time comes and you maybe fall in love with her you should confess to her if you are unhappy with her not knowing. And sink or swim.
Getting a girlfriend would be a solution that is only as good as you find it to be, if you think you can wait and she´s worth it you maybe should.
You may not get around either hurting her or get hurt yourself, no matter which way this story turns it´s best to be prepared for something like this in either way.
Like i said you are a strong person you can handle this situation
A
female
reader, Drat001 +, writes (31 December 2010):
I agree with RJ in that there are a lot of good things that never would have happened if people hadn't acted on urges. The thing is, there are also many bad things that came because someone acted on an urge.
When it comes to the safety and emotional/psychological welfare of a child, it is better NOT to act on any urge, especially sexual. I once had a giant chewing out because I told this girl who I'm close with, despite her being 10 years, that her fly was down (it was). This woman who was there just about flipped her lid that I would say something like that to a child. It would have been OK, but I didn't think about the woman being there--I'm sure my friend would have laughed had she not been there. And, because of that ONE thing, her parents told her to not spend time with me anymore. I didn't mean it to be sexual, and I never have thought about this girl sexually, but you just never know what people will do/think if you do or say anything acting on an impulse in front of a child.
It's just best not to be alone with her, or to let her sit on your lap or cuddle, or anything else that, even if you don't act on any urge, could be thought to be acting inappropriate.
Let's say that in the future you and her end up life-long lovers. If you do anything that is going to cause her to not want to be around you (touching inappropriately) or cause other people to think you're behaving inappropriately towards her and not let her spend time with you, the chances of that potential life together is ruined.
When she and you are older, if neither of you have met and fallen in love with someone else, when she's of legal age, then you can do whatever you want. Until then, just play it safe.
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A
female
reader, Drat001 +, writes (31 December 2010):
OK, this is going to sound a bit strange, but when I first was attracted to girls, I was about 7 or 8, and was only interested in girls my own age, and a couple of years older (I remember this one girl who moved into the area when I was 8 who was just the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen--I'd liked girls before her, but damn, she was just incredible, the way she looked, and she was in my gymnastics class and so graceful...I never had the nerve to talk to her, with her being older). So, anyway, as I got into my teens, I still was liking girls my own age and as young as the age when I first started liking girls. Here I was in 8th grade, and all the boys were crazy about this 20 or 30-something super model or that and the girls all liked the 20-something boy bands. Meanwhile, I was distracted by the 6th grade girls (went to school in the States) running around in their gym shorts.
I still can appreciate the cuteness of younger girls, and sometimes think, "She's gonna be hot someday." But, I'm not interested in doing anything sexual with them.
I believe in living by two rules 1) never do anything that could cause someone else harm, and 2) never do anything that could cause myself harm. If you do fancy your cousin in a sexual way, and she's not yet reached sexual maturity (that is, 16 at the youngest), then you had best not even allow yourself to be alone with this girl. Your "urges" could get the best of you. I do know a girl, yes a girl, who molested a boy who was my age in elementary school. She was 10 and he was 7. It caused some problems like you don't want to even think about, for both the girl and the boy. And, I knew she wasn't creepy or messed up or such. She just did something, probably on impulse, and it cost her and her parents more than she ever could have imagined--her dad even attempted suicide, because he couldn't take being harassed and reminded that his daughter was a child molester. Don't do that to your cousin. Don't do that to your family. Don't do that to yourself. Just don't let yourself be alone with her, because, from what you said, you do have the potential to harm her. Saying you wouldn't ever act on something is, sorry to say, just words. Actions speak louder than words, and the action of avoiding any kind of intimate contact with her is a better action than molesting her.
Based on the other things you talked about, being "disturbed" and your frankly unhealthy obsession with cartoons, I hope that if you haven't already, that you will soon see a psych. The good thing is that you recognize that you have a problem. Get help for the problem while it is still something in your head and not a deed committed by your hands.
Also, don't just go out and get a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend. I gurantee if you do that just because you're lonely, you'll get hurt or she'll get hurt or you'll both get hurt. Solve your emotional problems before you enter a relationship. Never, NEVER use a relationship to try to fix something about you. If you can't feel comfortable being single you'll never feel comfortable being in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): You are a teenager, hormonal and have mixed up feelings.
Yes, it is NOT normal to have thoughts like this about children. However, you have not acted on anything and I'm happy to hear you wont.
More than anything it sounds like you need to make some friends, lead a happier life and see a counselor about your feelings of "being screwed up".
for now, stay away from the child and go talk to a counselor. Happier times are ahead of you, you just have to work on yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): A criminal is someone who commits crimes. Plenty of people have fanstasies about being super-jewel thieves or bank-robbers or gangsters or some other similarly criminal profession.But we don't act on them. They stay in the head, where they belong. Because however much we might want something... we know it's wrong. And we know that there are consequences. Criminals are people who ignore that.You have not yet committed any crime. You are not a criminal.I agree that such thoughts on your part are troubling. Unfortunately, as I never worked up the courage to have a normal adolescence and never had a girlfriend or had sex, my own sexual desires occasionally drift into darker and disturbing places. Similar to your own. I would never act on them. I would rather gouge out my intestines with a fork than hurt another person like that. But the thoughts remain and it is only because of my strong sense of moral rights and wrongs that allows me to hold it back and makes sure it never leaves the confines of the darkest regions of my mind.I believe this makes me a decent human being. As an even stronger desire for normal companionship, free of such darkness, overrides all darker instincts and desires I may have occasionally.Though I have never been attracted to women who weren't post pubescent (mostly between the ages of 16 - 19 and then 30-50, and only attractive older women or women who have normal mature bodies that have at least middled puberty), so thats some comfort I guess. Though it really doesn't make a person feel better.Like I said, as disturbing as your thoughts may be, consider it a source of strength that you can hold back where other, sicker and inhuman people can't.Flynn 24
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