A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I'm 17 and my boyfriend doesn't please me in bed? he was my first sexual relationship but he had one previously. I've taken in on all the things that turn him on and make sure I do them, I'm not keen on blowjobs though because I gag really easily and it's not enjoyable.But when it comes to me he literally undresses me and then we have sex, and even during sex I'm not pleased. If I'm on top I get slightly more pleasure but when we go missionary I honestly can't feel anything. He once tried to eat me out but again I just didn't feel anything.Please can someone offer some advice because I love him but I'm finding this situation a little disappointing
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 March 2016):
 If you KNOW what you would like him to do, then tell him. TRY to NOT do it in a critical way - "like sex with you sucks" or "you are not doing it right..."Tell him, I would really like it if you and me could do more foreplay - unlike guys, girl's bodies takes a bit more the "warm" up and be receptive. (all guys need is a hard on, really). Tell him WHAT you would like him to do. Can we try XYZ?If missionary doesn't do IT for you, suggest you two try something else. SEX is not all about HIS pleasure - it should be SHARED pleasure. Otherwise after a while you will not even WANT to have sex.Knowing HOW to get yourself off (aka orgasm) using your fingers only is a GOOD thing, that way you can SHOW him how to touch you.What most young men (and quite a few women too) don't know is that PENETRATION doesn't = orgasm for a woman. We have most of our nerve ending in the clitoris, and men have most of theirs in the head of the penis. So MOST women can orgasm from having their clitoris stimulated NOT from penetration. Studies show that 80% of women can't orgasm from penetration AT ALL.I agree with Ivy that PORN is NOT the way to go in how to learn what to do. Porn is "fake" and honestly focused on the MALES pleasure, basically USING the woman as a glorified sex toy. So DON'T think what you see in porn is "real". And right now, it kind of sounds like your BF only "knows" what he has seen in porn. JUST because he has had a previous partner... doesn't mean he ACTUALLY knows how to please a woman.Maybe look up some erotic massage techniques, or have fun with a copy of Karmasutra. (just google it). Play a game of "find my hot spots!" *hint* this link might help him...http://www.mensfitness.com/women/sex-tips/the-sport-of-sexNo one is BORN knowing how to have great sex. It's a learned behavior. Each partner is different and likes different things. The point is... to GET to know that person, his/her body, kinks and personality well enough to find sexual commonalities. Sex can BE fun. It can BE hot. It can take 15 minutes, it can take hours. And it can be absolutely BORING! It's UP to you!And if you feel like you can’t talk to him about sex, you probably shouldn't HAVE sex. So TALK to him.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (20 March 2016):
 If he is your first and you his second partner you guys are equally in a position for it to be expected that things are still in the early stages of learning, experimenting and getting to know each other. At your age it would be horrible to have a partner that had it all going on in the bedroom because that would probably mean lots of partners. It's perfectly ok to give guidance and feedback as to what you do and don't prefer and what you might like to try etc. It is not what you say but how you say it. Why not google somethings together and get the lines of communication open. Please don't let porn be the teacher of what your sexual relationship should look like, because that would be something I would consider to be very misguiding both sexually and emotionally.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (19 March 2016):
 Have you been successful in reaching orgasm by yourself (masturbating with fingers or toys)?
If yes, then you know what you like and how you need to be touched to feel pleasure. The idea that all women can reach a climax via vaginal sexual intercourse is an inaccurate one. It doesn't matter how well your partner may be endowed; many women can't reach orgasm without different clitoral stimulation, which - depending on your personal anatomy and your partner's - often can't be achieved by penetrative sex alone. If you already know how you like to be stimulated, you have several options. You can masturbate in front of your partner, which is likely to tease him and turn him on and will also show him how to touch you properly. You can also place your hand on his and guide him as he touches you. It's been my experience that most men I've been with have had to be "trained" a little to touch me more gently than they do themselves or it's too much for me and simply not enjoyable.
If you *haven't* achieved an orgasm on your own, that would be a good starting point. Masturbation is a completely natural behavior and not something to be ashamed of - in fact, some studies have suggested that orgasms, including those achieved solo, can help reduce the discomfort of menstrual pain and cramping. So there are health benefits too. If you've never climaxed before, experiment with different touches and find out what you like. Then have fun teaching your boyfriend exactly how to please you.
I hope this helps you. Good luck and best wishes!
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (19 March 2016):
The first positive comment in this letter is ,that you love your boyfriend,everything else can be worked on.Would you consider siting down with your boyfriend, and telling him in a gentle,the way you feel about love -making and have an open chat about this being careful not to hurt his feeling.In everything there is give and take and understanding of the other person.Some people have a high sex drive and others a low sex drive.So this would have to be taken into account as well.Best wishes NORA B.
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