A
female
age
36-40,
*ilmissy
writes:How can I spice up my relationship? Ive been with this guy for just over a year now but he seems to have lost interest. Its like hes too tired and pre-occupied to show me any attention. Im only young, in my early 20's...and feel i deserve to be happy and have fun. Hes in his later 20's and over the course of our relationship has lost that funny side and turned really serious. Our lovelife isnt what it used to be either...at all. What can i do??? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 Dont give up so easily. The honeymoon period doesnt last forever and the secret to a long and happy relationship is accepting that there will always be lows and highs and its how you deal with them that counts.
Find out why he is so distant, is something on his mind, stress at work, financial worries or just a feeling that his life is stuck in a rut.
Suggest new things to do together, take up a hobby. Book a romanctic weekend away or plan a really nice night in. If you can get his attention and show him how good you can be together and work out why he is feeling like this you may get it back on track.
Try pampering each other, sharing a bath and a bit of massage or roleplay to get things going again. Surprise him in the bedroom with a new postion or foreplay technique that you've never done before. There are lots of things you can do to spice things up, use your imagination!!
I hope you can work this out x
A
female
reader, Delightful +, writes (27 June 2008):
Hi, I'm really sorry to read how you are feeling, it is clear it is causing you alot of thought and pain.
My immediate response would be to leave him, whilst you still have enough confidence and respect for yourself and find someone who is fun, and more importantly, doesn't make you feel like this.
There is a great line for love that goes "if it hurts, it's not right" so if you are feeling more hurt over him and with yourself over how he treats you, then it is not going to go away.
You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you. In your 20s you should be feeling on top of the world, very special, exciting, sought after, not feel you are having to put loads of effort in, especially are just one year - it shouldn't be hard work at this stage.
As for the sexual side of your relationship - if you are unhappy with it now, believe me, it isn't going to get any better (I'm speaking from bitter experience) and you will just end up questioning yourself sexually over what is wrong with you, unattractive, etc etc which could cause you major problems with future relationships.
My advice would be to break free now, as hard as you may find that now, in time, you will see it was the right thing to do. The values you put on yourself now will last you for the rest of your life with relationships - set them high and expect them and you should get them. Don't settle for second best - it never works and you will never win.
Sorry this sounds so negative but believe me, you will look back on this and say it was the best thing you could have done, start again. Good luck and enjoy future happiness with someone who cares - keep me posted. xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): try and be more kinky, yeah ?
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