A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone!So basically i have feelings for a girl, but she is my good friend. We've known each other for more than a year, have a lot in common, get along very well etc. we did not meet through a dating app and bonded initially through a shared interested in art.She always praises me, and we chat nearly every day. I think she really does like me as a friend, but she also sometimes just doesn't respond to me for a few days or a week, sometimes more, and then will get in touch to start a new conversation and chat every day again. she compliments everything about me, except my appearance. We live in 2 cities that are about 1.5 hours apart by train, so its not very long distance but a little. whenever she needs help she always comes to me, so I know she trusts me a lot. she says i am so lovely, an angel etc. she says she admires my work, my talents etc but the only time she complimented my appearance was once she said my photo was "nice". I do not know what to do as despite seeming to get along very well, i don't think she wants to be more than friends. Whenever I say she is beautiful or something, she ignores it and carries the conversation on normally. She also doesn't seem that keen on visiting me. Whenever I visit her she is excited, will take a whole day off work and we spend the whole day together, but she has never come to visit me in all that time. Last time i visited her she seemed tired so went home earlier than planned so i had to wait in the train station for 3 hours by myself, but we did spend 6 hours together before that. I am also not very direct, and lots of girls i liked before have said they didn't know if i liked them or was just friendly. I would try to do nice things for this girl, help her with anything she needs, make gifts for her birthday, i made a painting for her etc. So although for me it feels obvious, its also possible she has no idea how i feel.I like her a lot and i feel if i dont tell her, i may always have that doubt about what could have been, but at the same time we are good friends and i don't want to ruin the friendship. Maybe its hard for people to believe but i would sincerely be happy with the friendship but i just feel that that little bit of doubt eats away at me. If i tell her and she says no and we can carry on as friends, i can accept it, but i'm worried it would affect the friendship.She has only been in this country for a year and may only stay for a few years, she has also set up her own business, so she is also quite busy and has lots going on.My question is, should I still tell her even if i don't feel much hope? and if so, what is the best way to raise the topic when we've been friends for so long?
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female
reader, malvern +, writes (14 August 2021):
 I think she regards you in a brotherly sort of way. She’s fond of you, enjoys your company but doesn’t fancy you. The moment you let her know that you want something more than that is risking losing her. I think you can only carry on as you are doing now. Possibly even back off a bit, she may realise she’s missing you if you are not quite so available. As they say ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ and she may start regarding you in a different sort of way if you are not always there every time she wanted to see you. Be a bit mysterious and it may make her start thinking ‘ Hey what’s he doing, he’s not always there when I want him to be?’.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 August 2021):
 I like Kenny's idea to plan something more like a "date" with her rather than telling her.
From what you write she enjoys talking to you and occasionally hanging out, but she DOES seem like she blows hot and cold. Does that mean she LIKES you back to the same degree? No clue. I would almost guess that she has sensed that YOU seem more into her and thus she pulled back a bit. And when you didn't pursue, he started talking to you again.
So I would try arranging a meetup that is more like a date. See how it goes.
If you DO ask her, you do risk the friendship. It makes most women (men too I presume) uncomfortable having someone declare their feeling if they don't feel the same way. SO I'd hold off on that a bit.
You have already known each other for a year, so there is NO rush. Take your time.
Also if there are any art events in your neck of the woods, invite her? I think if she IS into you, she will make the effort to also come to see you. Not always have you visit her.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (12 August 2021):
 Like previous girls you have know before could not tell if you liked them or were being friendly, maybe that is the case with this girl.
I think if something is going to happen between the pair of you it will happen, and will happen gradually and naturally and over time.
She has shown some signs that she does like you, and also i get the feeling she blows hot and cold as well so maybe mixed feelings there.
Rather than just declare your feelings for her and risk making things awkward, why don't you maybe suggest some things to do that maybe couple would do, like the cinema, a meal out one evening, a walk down the river on a nice day.
Without asking her you will get a general idea if she likes you or not. If you ask her to do any of these things and she becomes elusive, dispondent, and takes ages to reply, then i feel there is the answer to your question.
I say do it this way because i feel in like nothing should be forced, but rather let things transpire naturally, if there is something between the pair of you it will transpire over the natural course of time.
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