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anonymous
writes: i recently tried sex with my girlfriend of 1 year. we are both 17. however, when i got to actual penetration, my penis wasn't as hard as before and i couldn't enter her. we had to stop. that was 2 weeks ago. why did that happen to me? is there something wrong with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2005): Try not to worry too much, my guess is that perhaps you were trying a little to hard to get it right.Try to relax a little more and maybe even set the scene a little, i know your young and if you live at home thats not always possible. Maybe a candle and some music though would help you to relax.You have been together for a year and not had sex!! I commend you for that, you obviously have very strong feelings for each other to wait.It will happen. But please be reassured that there is nothing wrong with you, it happens to a lot of males, not just you.Good luck and have fun.
A reader, Wise Worm, writes (7 January 2005): No! Relax!You really need to relax, you where probably nervous... Nervous about dissapointing her, or something silly. It's a big step, in today's world there is alot of pressure on young kids. Don't pretend like your first time is no big deal, it is a memorable experience.Don't rush it, enjoy each other physically and don't rush into penetration. It might just be the angle, remember, you penis is like a big vein, it needs unobstructed bloodflow,keep it straight...
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (7 January 2005):
 It's really unlikely that there's a physical problem that's preventing your staying hard during sex. A simple way that you can distinguish a physical problem/health issue from something else is to ask yourself if you can get regular erections; in the mornings, for example. If you do, and if you can masturbate without a similar problem to the one you described, then it's really more likely that your problem resulted from stress or tension during sex with your girlfriend.There are a whole list of reasons that this could have happened that have nothing at all to do with anything being "wrong" with you. Was this your first time, or hers? If so, it's possible that you were simply nervous or distracted. "Performance anxiety" - the feeling that you have to be 100% in control and be responsible for both her and your own enjoyment - is common to a lot of men and can definitely affect your ability to stay erect. Another possibility was your surroundings at the time. Did either of you feel rushed or anxious, or were you trying to keep quiet for fear of disturbing someone else? That could be another reason that could have affected your erection. Was your girlfriend reluctant, for any reason? If so, you might just have picked up on her unease.Still another reason this might have happened is a concern over contraception. Although sex can be fun and pleasurable, if you're overly worried about causing a pregnancy, you may be unable to maintain your erection.Quite a minefield then, eh? But don't worry. As long as you're capable of getting and keeping erections in other situations - reading erotica and that kind of thing - then you don't have to worry about a health problem. (Though if you are unable to stay hard at any time, then you should visit your GP and get a check, definitely!)I suggest that you and your girlfriend find a time and place where you're both at ease and where you can take your time. Don't rush it and don't obsess over penetration too much. Take it easy and focus on other types of sexual activities. Make sure you have condoms on hand. It's not a likely problem to recur at age 17; though if it does, recognise that you're in good company and simply relax. Have a laugh, because it happens to everybody at some stage. Try, try again. I know you'll be fine.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2005): Hey,You're a young guy, and your "poor performance" has just taught you that there are strong emotions and feelings that rise up, and that sex is not simply a macho, no-strings-attached act. The same thing happened to me years ago, when my girl friend decided she wanted to give me her virginity. Despite our relationship of 2 years, and sharing other intimate acts, I had a similar response to your's as I was about to enter. We laughed about it, because we both knew the ramifications of taking this next big step, and that the "problem" was certainly not a physical one.Go easy on yourself - perhaps you have strong feelings for your girl, or your feelings may not be strong enough! Remember, you're giving yourself to her as well, and there may be an element of uncertainty on your part. Do not continue to fixate on this - think about what your true feelings are for this girl, or what you really want in a relationship before you agree to get physically involved with a girl. When the time and person are right, I guarantee you will not have a problem. By the way, use a condom. It's the mature thing to do, and somehow I managed to make it through back in the day without one, but I was both dumb and foolhardy!F
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