A
male
age
36-40,
*aichi53
writes:Okay so I've been seeing my girlfriend for about four months, we met at the start of summer this year. Both of us are still virgins and right now would have been the second time that we have tried to have sex. The first time was a few weeks back at my house, she asked if I wanted to have sex and I said sure. So I go to my closet, where I kept the condoms just in case and went on to put it on. It ended up being to small for me and we couldn't do anything that night. My penis basically went away from it being to tight. Then just this morning we tried again to have sex, with a bigger condom and my erection went away. Had been making out for about an hour before this, where I was able to hold an erection for the majority of the time. Is there something something wrong? Did we make out for to long? Or is there something about wearing a condom for the first time that's throwing me off? Thanks
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (31 August 2008):
The two previous responses contain good advice. Please read them and give their advice serious consideration. (Having your lover put the condom on you IS a VERY erotic experience when she does it right!) At the risk of being flamed, I am going to make a somewhat unpopular, dissenting, suggestion.
As you have discovered, condoms can interfere with sex. (At this point you may think that "interfere" is far too mild a term.) Quite aside from their effect on the physical sensations, for both of you, they upset the flow of lovemaking. This is especially true when one partner is inexperienced, and two inexperienced partners doesn't just double the problem - it's more like squared.
Even MORE IMPORTANT - you are likely to use the condom incorrectly. After all the fiddling, the failures, the frustrations, and the false starts you will NOT have the protection against pregnancy or STD's that you are relying on. In those critical moments at the end, when everything in you may be urging you to stay connected and sort out a whole spectrum of unfamiliar feelings and sensations, she SHOULD be urging you to withdraw, take care of the condom, and clean up properly. That's a lot to expect from two virgins.
With just a little practice you will learn to use condoms correctly, and minimize their effects on your performance. Right now, sex is a new and unfamiliar experience and condom use is one more thing you must learn. My suggestion is that you two should responsibly find a way to enjoy natural, naked genital sex.
Contraception and STD's are VERY REAL problems that you MUST face but "condoms" is NOT the only solution, and perhaps not even an effective solution in this instance.
Yes, what I'm suggesting means you'll need to have a conversation about sexual exclusivity, and do a little research about suitable alternatives. And find ways to verify each other's health status. I suspect you two are mature enough to do this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): Hi TaiChi,
Luckily I just answered a question on putting on a condom and making it fun... Please read this link, maybe the suggestions here will help you out.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-all-boys-find-condoms-uncomfortable.html
You are both virgins, that will also make things difficult because you both feel nervous and expectations are high. Try to get all your safe sex stuff together, put them nearby, so you can reach them without fumbling and "loosing the moment"...
Johnny Penis is nervous it's his first time to have sex. If he failed the first time, then he gets nervous and he thinks he will fail again. Stress, anxiety, and nervousness makes him go down. The blood rushes to your head, and heart, instead off to your cock, and that's why he starts to flop.
Sex must be FUN, if Johnny Penis goes down, have a bloody good laugh together, and try something else. The more nervous you get, the more you fail, and then you just fail because you expect it. Try to have fun, nothing's broken, nothing's wrong, you and your girlfriend are nervous virign's, stop worrying, else this thing will become a chore... If Johnny Penis won't come up, just start kissing, carressing and making love to your girlfriend. Make her have pleasure again, make her body cry out with happiness. Johnny will get excited and you can start stuffing him into the condom again.
Please update and tell us your situation, and tell us if our advice has worked for you or not... Blessings, good lucky to you and your girlfriend, Johnny Penis and her Miss Kitty Kat...
Sorry Johnny is stupid and ruining this special moment for you both.. :^)
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A
male
reader, Mark25  +, writes (30 August 2008):
 You can't make out for too long. That's why you make out. To get you aroused for intercourse. Lots of men lose their erection when trying to put a condom on. They are fiddly and annoying to put on. Unfortunately because they are so fiddly you concentrate entirely on trying to put it on and the erection goes away. Have you asked your girlfriend to put it on for you? That's sexy and it's also another form of making out. I don't know if you have oral sex but if you do your girlfriend could try putting it on with her mouth. You probably won't lose your erection if she does that.
Hope this is of some help to you. Write in again if you want anymore help. Give us a follow up of how things are going.
Best of luck.
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