A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my bf broke up a week ago, we were together for a year, we loved each other alot, i loved him more than he loved me, and we were two very different people, but we worked very well for a long time. Our relationship ended well, and he wanted us to still remain close by being best friends.I've sensed that he was going to leave me, we had many talks of splitting up. Im still confused to why we split up, he didnt really give a full reason to why his emotions have changed. But he seemed to change over the last three weeks, and i noticed that he had been talking to this girl and its funny how he breaks up with me after talking to her alot. Although he claims that she is just a friend, and that there isnt any other girl, im still left abit confused, as the reason for leaving me is unclear. Is it because of another girl? or is it just that his feelings have changed and feels its time to move on? I know hes cheated and lied in the past, and his friend last night said that there was something that i didnt know, but my ex tells me that it isnt true as i know everything.I dont know what to think! im confused, and lost, i made this man my life, and now im left feeling lost and alone. Any advice please?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007): I disagree with the advice below that states: .
"If you cut contact with your ex, you never know he might realise what he lost and think the grass isn't greener on the other side after all."
Don't cling to a life raft, that could possibly never be there to save you. Why would you do that? Hanging onto the the ex bf, will deeply hinder your healing process and keep you from finding a new . prospective dating partner or taking a new life path. And no new man can become a part of your life, if your heart allegience to the old ex bf. How fair is that to another man? The problem that happens is, you could meet a great 'new' guy, but you won't give this new relationship a chance. And what man will agree to dating a woman, who has this sort of 'ex bf' baggage to deal with. You need to do the emotional, hard work of becoming strong and detaching, completely. Say goodbye and let the ex bf go completely and spend some time on your own, healing your heart and mourning.
If in time, the ex bf does realize that the 'grass is not greener on the side' and wants back into your life...you will be in a strong, emotional mindset, to say either yes or no. You will be healed, you won't go back to him out of 'heartache, lonliness and need'. It will be done on your terms and you will be in a more stronger frame of mind to make a much more mature, sensible, clearer decision. Right now you are much too vulnerable. Heal first.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007): I am sorry for your hurt, hun. We cannot really tell you 'why' he left..he's the only one that can do that. But whatever his answer will be..it will not decrease your pain. Let this go and heal. Losing someone you love is one of the worst things that can happen to all of us and it’s something you’re almost certain to experience at some point in any life. When it happens, many of us respond with confusion. This is where you are. For whatever reason, this breakup has occurred, it plain that your ex feels that the relationship has run it's course. I know this feeling of being lost and confused. All I could do when this happened in my life, was I reassured myself, that even though it's painful now...I knew, that in my future, a new opportunity would open up for me. And it did which bringing me greater wisdom and happiness. Couple date and break up all the time. I believe people come together, at your young age to becomes each other's teachers, to learn about love and relationships.
The sad but true fact about all this, is he became unwilling to be an active partner to you, in this relationship. He did the right thing by saying 'goodbye' to you. He set you free to do find happiness with someone else. Now your job is not to over think this..it will drive you batty. Your job is to look after yourself. And my suggestion: Lose all contact with him. It will be emotional hell for you-why put yourself theough that pain. Be strong and walk away for good. That likely will be the only way to heal and recover faster. And remember, facing a terrible breakup it enables one to have no choice to learn to accept their future without their partner. And with true healing comes the potential for finding a new love.
My heart is with you, dear. Good luck in your journey
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (6 August 2007):
 You said you were two very different people and that you had talked about splitting up before, you had been together for a year, which is quite along time to be with someone.
Maybe he has met someone else and now he just feels that it is time to end the relationship you were in so he could pursue this other person and if you really are that different maybe it's not such a bad thing.
I know it hurts at the moment and you feel lost but that's because it's all very fresh, you will get over him and move on just give yourself some time as it does not happen over night.
Make sure you do not sit about dweeling on it and get out there with your friends and try and have some fun.
Take care.xx.
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