A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am so hurt and need some advice. There is a man i went to high school with and we recently went out a few times. Everything was so perfect.He led me to believe that we had something special and that he would only being seeing me. I thought everything was too good to be true.I feel so hard for him. And besides that we have been friends for many years. Well being that I thought he was the one I did sleep with him. recently he just started to change not calling as much. he used to call several times a day. Well i found out that he is not seeing just me. He is on a dating online service. So I talked to him about it and he said he just got scared. He thought he could be exclusive with me but he wanted to get out and meet new people. And he is recently separated. I understand that but I wish that he hadnt mislead me. I think I was lied to. He says he still wants to see me and do things but nothing serious yet. He says he likes me and cares for me. But I dont know what to do? He really hurt me and i wouldnt have slept with him if it was going to be like this. Do I continue to see him or forget him? Do guys really get scared? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, core_confusion  +, writes (5 January 2009):
 I think maybe he feels isolated and is trying to meet new people. He's just going about it the wrong way. If he has just some out of a long relationship he may have let previous friendships fall by the wayside whilst he was in that. If he is feeling a bit scared or lonely this may be a kid of safety net for him. That said, he's going about it the wrong way if it is upsetting you. My advice would be not to give up just yet. Try suggesting something that you can both do together that will get you out and about, meeting new people and making new friends and you get to spend time together as a coupple too.
If he is scared, maybe try to understnad why. If he has just come out of a relationship, He may have got hurt when it ended, yet now he's thinking about a commitment with you. That probably is making him a little anxious - after all, he probably wont want to get hurt again.
Be honnest with each other, if you feel that he has mislead you thentalk to him about it. Put your cards on the table about how you feel and that you would like to be the only one for him. Maybe you need to slow things down between you both and make a compromise. If you want him all to your self, that may mean that you have to agree to give alittle space for him to feel comfortable in.
I hope some or all of this helps you out. Good Luck and God Bless.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): I made the same mistake you did and went out with a recently separated man. He professed great love for me, wanted to marry me, never felt the same way for his wife as he did for me, etc. Things were good for about a year, then for several months he got distant with me. 3 months ago he did a disappearing act, and I've never heard from him again. He didn't even bother to break up with me, just went no contact without an explanation.
I've never been through a divorce, but after doing lots of reading I realize someone in that position just isn't ready to commit to another person. They need time to heal. Your guy probably didn't intentionally lie to mislead you. More than likely he thought he felt something for you, but a person in his situation isn't emotionally stable.
I doubt if he will be ready for a long-term relationship with anyone anytime soon, so only you can decide if it's worth it to keep seeing him. Even if you remain friends, I would do the same thing he's doing and play the field. Believe me, I know it can be hard to find someone you feel that special chemistry with, but the more you get out there the sooner it will happen. Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, redemption +, writes (5 January 2009):
Forget him. Easier said then done, but if he's looking elsewhere, you can't just wait in the wings hoping he'll pick you. Both halves of the relationship need to be there, for there to be a relationship.
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