A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok this question is going to be lengthy but its important that i get the details out.Please give me your thoughts.A year and a half ago I started seeing my gf.(Jul 31) Right at the end of our summers, I was going into my junior year of college, she had graduated the previous year (2 years apart. I'm 22 shes 20 now) I had to report for my college football camp aug. 9th she was leaving for vacation two days earlier and I wouldn't see her when she got back due to me being at college 3 hours away.She went to Myrtle beach with her two older cousins (26 I think?)and their families were coming a few days later. Well her older cousins round up a group of guys on the beach and decide to have a party with these guys back at their condo where drinking was going to take place. My gf tells me the situation and I ok her for drinking bc I wanted to be a trusting bf, even though letting your gf drink with 6 horny dudes 600 miles away on a beach didn't thrill me too much. I texted her "I trust you I love you Have fun BE GOOD".I thought I made the right choice until I get her next text which is "i'm drunk baby". I laugh it off and then she calls me saying that they were all going skinny dipping..."ok I rather you not do that" I say politely. (which she called me to tell me about it so I knew she wasn't planning on doing that anyway. We talk awhile and she tells me about her trip and we say goodnight (I have to get up at 6 the next morning for camp)Not long goes by and she calls me and wants to talk so i'm ok with that but she is obviously drunk so I try to talk her out of not drinking anymore bc shes not use to it and is a lightweight. She insists that shes fine so I say ok then shortly after I hear a male voice ask her who shes talking to and she replies "just my friend" uh-oh just a friend doesn't sound like my title but I blow it off.After about 3am I tell her I need to sleep but right as I'm getting off the phone her and her older cousin get into a big argument which I can hear so I stick around to chill things out. (This is an important point, it was a bad enough argument she called her mom and wanted a plane ticket home) I could hear them saying nasty shit to eachother. I tell her to just go to her room lock the door and go to sleep (safe away fom guys bc shes pretty buzzed)After all is said and done I get her to lay down and finally get her into bed at 5 30 so I didnt sleep that night (comes with the territory I guess?) The rest of the trip went well we talked every evening she didnt drink anymore and she had a good time the guys never came back again.A couple days later she said that night when she locked the door someone was hiding in the room and she woke up to someone climbing into bed and trying to cuddle with her. She said she woke up told him he had to leave and he left. I was on the phone with her and I remember her telling someone to leave but I think she said he came back again.(She was pissed when she told him to leave the room I could tell)So I buy that then a few weeks later she randomly asks me if I would leave someone if they cheated because they were drunk. Red flag there but maybe she was thinking about the situation and was actually curious... In October I then get a rumor from my best friend telling me he heard she cheated while on vacation. He heard from a person who works with the cousin my gf got into the heated argument with. I confront her about what I heard and she was hurt I didn't trust her and it was a lie because the cousin is a bitch and she said that because they hate eachother now, in fact I told my gf the cousin was a snake before they went on the trip. But we have seen the cousin around and even talked to her on occasion, she never asked if the cousin spread the rumor and acted like nothing was up...I understand not bringing it up in a family situation but why not call or text her to she what she says? Atleast show me your mad that she spread the rumor? Why wouldn't she confront the cousin about it? Time passess.Today we have a 3 month old beautiful boy and I love him and his mother with everything I am. Her dilema: New bf, "popular" in high school, college football player, goes to a college 3 hours away, will he cheat or stay with me? What are our chances of lasting? and shes been through some crappy relationships previously. So would she cheat since we were only dating for two weeks before she left and I was leaving for school?I love her and want to be with her forever, shes great and in no way do I think she would cheat now that shes been with me this long and knows me, and we have our wonderful son together. So heres the options I'm weighing which hasn't let me sleep tonight.1)Be a shady bf and snoop into her phone and text the cousin from her phone trying to uncover any hidden details...under the alias of my gf.(I'm pretty sure this would work) and risk her catching me and being a snoop and insecure bf.Or let things slide and try to get over the fact that it may have happened and may not have...never knowing for sure but not risking finding out if it did happen and possibly ruin what we have built...over this one time in the beginning?Did she cheat? and/or which option should I go with?
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best friend, cousin, drunk, horny, I love you, insecure, player, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your input. I thought about the effects of knowing and not knowing. Who she is now is important to me and I know that I can trust her now, did she not have gfaith in the relationship and get sloppy drunk where this could have happened? Maybe I'll probably never know which is the part that sucks. But knowing how the person she is today I'm going to assume it happened in the best light I can because I love her and I know she loves me, I think I should leave the past alone and work on the future because if I did find out I wouldnt leave her so why find out for sure and hurt even worse? I don't think its worth knowing and if she can hold it in the rest of her life and be happy good for her.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): Alcohol is not an excuse.
You need to sit down and talk it out NOW. Because if in a few years she admits she cheated it will hurt far more than if she had just come clean from the get go.
If she had been my GF I would NEVER have allowed her to go anywhere with a bunch of guys without me. Thats just not on. The same as I'd expect a GF to bitch if I was going to get drunk with a bunch of girls who were likely to try something in that instance.
Sorry, but either you two clear the air right now, or get out of the relationship and find someone who doesn't use alcohol as a crutch.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): When people are drunk, who knows what they will do?
Really, that is what happens with alcohol, and frequently things are not what they seem.
My wife cheated, denied it, didn't admit it for years, got angry when I confronted her, and not only had she cheated but she'd had a full blown no holds barred affair.
You just don't know, you need to talk though, because you are insecure, and she is a drinker.
Try looking at this.
http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htm
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A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Its in the past.it doesnt matter now.dont ruin the good thing that is so dear to you by wanting to dig 'the ugly past'...take her word and trust her.dont look back!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 I think you need to forget about it. She may have she may not have, but if you trust her now and you feel secure then just let it go. There is no point worrying about something that may have happened at the beginning of the relationship. Just forget about it and move on with your relationship.
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