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female
,
anonymous
writes: The guy that i have been talking to and flirting with and intimate with, lives in another city.We started our relationship 7 months ago and have been texting and calling each other every day.I've done all the visiting, he has come to see me yet.I started to feel that he was backing of, in that the number of texts were reducing and the romantic content of the texts was also reducing and my last visit, he was very distant. I felt like he wasn't thinking of me as much as he was before.I had a bit of an axiety fit, because i was feeling very rejected and i sent him a text, saying i can't be friends with him, till i get over him. He replied the next morning asking if i wanted him to leave me alone.I started doubting myself and told him, i don't know but i will send him an e-mail.The e-mail i sent was 2 pages long very strong and went through every time that he did something or didn't, that made me feel rejected by him. Since the e-mail, i haven't recieved any texts, calls or e-mails.I think i have lost him, but what worries me is, i think i lost my pride, dignity, integrity and embarassed myself as some desperado.have i embarassed my self?What does he think of me?would welcome answers from both male and female, but especially male.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): He starts with what sounds like a casual on-line relationship with a flirty girl. she comes into town, you get intimate. This is defined as an easy, casual relationship. Then there is soem trouble. He said, "tell me if I should leave you alone".You send him a two page letter that sounds like a list of grievances. Suddenly, what was easy has become hard. The essence of being the on-line girl is that you are fun and light. Thats gone.I think you lost him. But "i think i lost my pride"? I dont see how you did anything out of control. Even if it started as on-line and flirty, you are still entitled to asked to be upgraded in seriousness.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): I think it was going down the pan anyway, you had to get these things off your chest. If he couldn't take all you had to say then he wasn't the one for you, don't let it all get in your head. I think you did well to stay with him for so long. I all sounded a bit one sided, you were putting all the ground work in. Just move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006):
Thank you for the responses
You've given me alot of food for thought.
I am usually not someone, that holds things in, infact on the contrary, sometimes i think i over analyse things.
In this instance, each situation that made me feel rejected, i told him at the time. but i was also starting to feel like a nag and scared he would back of.......which evidently, he has.
I sent him a text this morning, to say 'I miss the good times, don't hate me ok..Good Morning'.
I never recieved a reply and i still haven't got a reply from the e-mail.
In the e-mail i gave him an option of;
if he only wants friendship, then i need for him to back of and give me time.
But if he wants a beginning of a relationship, then lets talk ernestly about whats going on.
It sounds to me that he's picked the first......rejected one more time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): To rythmandblues 2 and Irish49
Thank you both for responding.
You've given me alot of food for thought.
I am usually not someone, that holds things in, infact on the contrary, sometimes i think i over analyse things.
In this instance, each situation that made me feel rejected, i told him at the time. but i was also starting to feel like a nag and scared he would back of.......which evidently, he has.
I sent him a text this morning, to say 'I miss the good times, don't hate me ok..Good Morning'.
I never recieved a reply and i still haven't got a reply from the e-mail.
In the e-mail i gave him an option of;
if he only wants friendship, then i need for him to back of and give me time.
But if he wants a beginning of a relationship, then lets talk ernestly about whats going on.
It sounds to me that he's picked the first......rejected one more time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): Hi, I don't think you need to be embarassed, you spoke from your heart I am sure, however, I think by unloading all at once "everything he had done to make you feel rejected" may have made him step back and question your relationship and if he was up to the task.
In my opinion, it is better to deal with these issues when they happen and not hang onto the resentment and worry and let it build to the point of where you need to write a 2 page e-mail, or feel like just not having any contact at all with him....why did you not mention at the time when he was doing what he wasn't doing or whatever made you feel crappy so that he could learn how you wanted to be shown love and affection? In any healthy relationship we teach people how we want to be treated, if you put up with bad behavior then how was he supposed to know he was screwing up? But you say, shouldn't he just know? The answer to that is quite frankly, no, not always....Think about it we all grow up in our own families and were taught certain rules and behaviors as being OK or not OK, and although there are a lot of things that most people learn as to how to be with others, there is a lot of room for misunderstanding and shades of gray, so we have to speak to each other about what we need from each other.
Try apologizing for unloading on him, not for the content, but that maybe you overwhelmed him by dumping it all at once, and could you please try to work through your issues...if he cares and is mature enough for a relationship, he will welcome your opportunity for another chance.
Hang in there, all is not lost.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): You did nothing wrong, hun. Always believe in your gut feelings..they are there to let you know something is wrong. Never fear losing someone that you strongly felt wasn't into giving back to you. . Your first job was to work out what you wanted out of this relationship. I credit you ... you stayed honest, real and focused on that goal but he wasn't giving the same back, was he? So keep that dignity intact, girl! One of the realities was that you didn't feel secure and you were brave enough to talk honestly with him. Good for you. .It was perfectly fine to text him an email and tell him you felt you and he were no longer on the 'same page', so to speak. He's not responding and therein -lies your answer. Give this a couple more weeks, do not contact him and if he doesn't respond, then you will have a much clearer picture, won't you? Just remember, you emailed him something and you spoke from your heart. If he's deciding to ignore you as a result of reading your words, it couldn't have been that good a relationship, on his part, anyways. The ball is in his court, now. But don't forget, everyone deserves a good, healthy love where one can say anything to a loved one without fearing loss. Don't beat yourself up over this. If he doesn't get back to you...move on and let go. Be strong. Good luck and take care of yourself, dear.
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