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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Greetings all. I am a first timer. I have found you due to sheer time online during coronavirus isolation. I'm glad I did! I hope you can help me in this situation I have found myself involved in.My husband's Messenger was left open. He must have been careless. I went in. I noticed that he added a new device to secret conversations. It was his iPad. As far as I know, he's always used his phone to periodically keep in touch with friends on Messenger. He and I had one secret conversation back in March to test out how it works. He used his mobile phone that time. We haven't been on them since. I am wondering why, all of a sudden, he would be on secret conversations again using a new device (his iPad)? As I said, we only had one such secret conversation in March and no others ever since. I asked him and he said he was on Messenger reading a message from an old colleague. That message does exist. He said after reading that message, he turned secret conversations off and then back on just in case we have other secret conversations. But we don't use that method of chatting, ever! Why would he bother and go out of his way to play with an option we only used once and never again? It looks suspicious to me. Here's what it says exactly when one goes to Secret Conversations. "Turn on Secret Conversations. You will be able to receive encrypted messages and start new secret conversations from this device." Then it says turn on or cancel before proceeding. Why would he go through this whole process and turn secret conversations on using his iPad when he had only one secret conversation with me, HIS WIFE, 2 MONTHS AGO using his phone?I am having a hard time with the logic and his explanation.Need other viewpoints.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2020): Hello, it's the lady who posted again. There is a lot more evidence than you know. It would take forever to type everything. I've finally had enough. This is only one thing over the course of our marriage. Proverbial last straw. The fact I can't take it anymore prompted me to snoop. And ask for the polygraph. So that I can finally trust him or end this marriage.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2020): Thanks all. I asked the question here. I have arranged for him to have a polygraph test on Monday. He has agreed. Let's see how it turns out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2020): Actually I would be very concerned. There was a time and place I would have agreed with the others on here, but I am much less naive after much more experience.
People don't casually turn on "secret conversations"- it is a lot of effort. If he went through a process of testing the feature out, turning it on, off and then on again on a different device-- yes he has had planned conversations. Yes I would be concerned.
You have 2 choices. 1) confront your husband again, push harder, say you know he has been using secret conversations for chats that were with others. I have found that when you push a liar they will often get nervous and then confess. Especially if they don't know how much you do or do not know.
Option 2) wait it out, and watch him secretly like a hawk. Check on his emails/ texts, look for other signs of cheating/ convos. Bide your time. When more evidence is gathered, confront.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 June 2020):
 I agree that it's very likely he's just poking around with gadgets.
I think it's premature of you to be suspicious, and perhaps you need something better to occupy your mind and your time during this pandemic.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2020): Why would he be so careless as to leave the app on knowing his wife will be suspicious?
You've addressed your concerns with your husband. Is there reason not to believe him? Why wouldn't you trust him? Does he have a history of cheating?
Before you jump to the conclusion that he's cheating; I would think you'd need more evidence. Like, who is he talking to, and what they're talking about? It's apparently a secret!
Knowing you, I guess he's making sure it stays between him and the person he's secretly speaking to.
Guess what? There are conversations you've had with your lady-friends or relatives that you wouldn't want your husband to know what you've discussed. You told them in confidence, and made them swear never to tell him. Maybe this is that kind of thing.
Do you have a birthday, anniversary, or any special occasions coming up? Otherwise, you should ask him one last time why he's speaking in secret? I would wonder why not, or why have the app in the first-place?
You can stew on it until it becomes an argument; or you can trust him and stop snooping. He knows you snoop on his devices and he knows this is killing you. Maybe he's doing it on purpose.
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A
female
reader, Justmy5cents  +, writes (3 June 2020):
 It's probably innocent, just poking around with gadgets. Not that Id be making a big deal of it -still I'd ask, tongue in cheek, if you had anything to be concerned about. It's not making accusations just making him aware that you're aware.
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