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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have a very big problem and it's been eating away at me for the past few hours but it's been ongoing. I know the fine people of DC will be able to provide me with the best possible advice and that is why I am here reaching out to you.My boyfriend is away in South America visiting his parents and family. He is there for 2 1/2 weeks and now on the tail end of his trip. Let me preface this by saying we have been in a 2 year relationship but I have had trust issues towards him. I won't get into why as I don't think this is relevant to my question here today. But suffice it to say I do not trust him completely and have at times accused him of being unfaithful to me. He has always denied this.Anyway, fast forward to this trip. He has been in touch regularly with me. Telling me about what he's been doing. How much he misses me. All the regular stuff. When he first landed I expected him to contact me to let me know he made it there safely but two days went by and I did not hear from him. It isn't like him not to send me a quick email (he doesn't call a lot because calls are expensive) to let me know he arrived. So I sent him a message asking if he made it safe. He responded to tell me he had sent plenty of emails. But I did not receive any. I get that they can be lost in transit due to being in a foreign country and internet capabilities are not necessarily the same.So I understood and accepted his explanation. And he has been in constant contact since. I am very pleased he has taken the time to stay in touch as he knows I like to hear from him and stay connected. And I hate to say it but I have gotten very upset with him if he does not keep in touch or goes MIA during texts (even with reason) or if it takes him awhile to respond to my texts. I need communication and he knows I am dependent on it. Abnormal or not, it's just the way I am.Well today something happened that has me very worried. I am hoping to get objective advice about what this means and if I am taking it all wrong.He sent me an email this afternoon and told me he might not email me tomorrow because he might be in a village with no internet access. That he would be in touch as soon as he was able. Okay. Fair enough. But here is what I am worried about. About 10 minutes after sending me that email he sent that same, exact email again. This time it said "Original Message" before the body of the email which was exactly the same word for word as the first one. The only difference was the subject line was slightly different. The first one said "No email" and the second one said "No Emails." (Email was plural). Moreover in the second email he signed his name at the end of the message and in the first one there was no name.My worry is this: do you think his intention was to send the first email to another woman (perhaps someone he is cheating with?) and by mistake sent it to me without realizing he sent it to me? Perhaps just got mixed up with the addresses? Then without realizing he even did this, he copied that message, sent a copy in a new email to me, hence a slightly different subject title AND his name being added at the bottom?Or do you think he could have sent it twice and copied it from the original to make SURE I received it because he didn't want to take any chances that I would get upset at him because he was not in touch tomorrow? He knows I get incredibly upset at him and have threatened to leave him because of it.So, which option logically is more likely?I am having a hard time determining this because I am too close to the situation.I am hoping you could all look at it from another perspective and offer your opinion on what's going on.Thank you. It's hard to think the worst case because he is away now and I don't want to welcome him back by confronting him or flying off the handle if unnecessary.I am not sure what to think and also what to do about this. Ask him about it? Let it go?What do you think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 January 2016):
 Woman. You need a chill pill. A double sent message does not indicate cheating. Maybe you're not ready for a relationship until you've worked through your issues?
A
female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (12 January 2016):
 Dude.
He wasn't sure the email got through to you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 January 2016):
 If you are always this needy and clingy I suggest that you seek help, this is not healthy for you or for him. He should be enjoying his vacation with his family, spending quality time with them, he shouldn't be worrying about you unless off course there was an emergency. Give him some space, because believe me the more you push him, the more he will step away from you and you will end up losing him. There is only so much a person can take before they start resenting you for your behavior.
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A
female
reader, anonem  +, writes (11 January 2016):
 Jeez, pls you need to relax. You are either over protective or overly jealous. You really need to relax woman before you cause problems for yourself and your relationship.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (11 January 2016):
Forgive me, but you are seriously overthinking this.
I see nothing in any of your posts indicating that he'd meant to send an email to someone else. I personally think you're being paranoid. I can tell that you have trust issues, and that's fine, many people do. However, it is very important to not let them run away with you entirely. Take a step back and look at the big picture from an objective point of view and you'll see what I mean.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2016): if he was sending the same email to two people, would he not send them in succession? One after another and get that over with? Why the 10 minute time lapse in between? Could it be him back tracking and rethinking to make sure the message does get through? Maybe thinking that sending it twice is a good idea considering past emails were not received? Not taking chances this time? And maybe he realized he forgot to sign his name on the first one and he signed it on the second?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2016): It's OP again.Forgot to mention he started the original email with "Hi Besutiful." He has always addressed me as "beautiful" in his texts and emails. He uses sweetie as well but Besutiful is one of his regular words for me. So unless he calls everyone Besutiful, I would say that's a good sign. If it was another name or word I might be more worried.He cheated on s partner in his past. He said it was the only person he ever cheated with and he isn't that man now. This is the reason I worry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2016): It's the OP.The second email said "Original Message"' before the message. Could he have forwarded the original email back to me? If that is the case it's not very possible he meant to send it to someone else. Because I could read that it said "Original Message"Sending emails to someone else when he arrived... by mistake.. thinking he sent them to me... could also explain why I didn't receive them.And I DID receive the first email? How could it not have shown up in his sent folder?I do freak out if he isn't in touch. I send him constant texts until he answers. So he might have been worried that I would worry and get upset at him and think he doesn't care etc. He could have sent it twice to guarantee I got it.But still... I am sitting her in agony with worry.Yes the jealousy and suspicion eats you up inside and takes on a life of its own. I am constantly thinking he is cheating on me.Anyone have any other opinions to help me?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 January 2016):
 I too would give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he wasn't sure the FIRST one had gone through he wrote and sent a second one. JUST to make sure YOU wouldn't be upset over no e-mails for ONE day.
IF it was to another woman why not just copy & paste? Why would he go to the extend of re-writing the SAME e-mail? It makes no sense. Where as if the e-mail didn't show up in his sent folder AFTER he hit send to you ( that HAS happened to me) it would make sense to WRITE a new one.
Unless there is more things going on that JUST this isolated incident, I think you NEED to relax and chill. Don't forget that he IS on vacation. He didn't GO all the was to SA to sit and e-mail you constantly to feed your insecurities.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (11 January 2016):
 I would give him the benefit of the doubt. He probably has lots to cope with out there. If I may say so you come across as being 'needy'.
You may have reasons for your suspicions but you haven't wanted to share them so we don't have a complete picture. Are there good reasons for not trusting him? If there are, can you live with them? Do you have a close friend you can discuss this with?
It is better to get these worries out in the daylight and see if they still seem credible. When the little green worm of jealousy starts gnawing inside your head it can drive you bonkers.
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