A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ok so i decided to try internet dating about 3 months ago, after coming out of a long term relationship which ended very badly (a year ago).anyway i've met this guy who i really like.. the problem is i cant tell how much he likes me. at the beginning (3 months ago) we spoke for hours on msn. nothing too deep.. in fact a lot of it was just fun chat.. jokes, hobbies etc. something about this guy intrigued me though.. maybe its because unlike a lot of the other guys i've spoken to he wasn't overkeen- there wasnt any talk of feelings or past relationships etc.we've been on 4 dates - about 2 or 3 weeks between each! 3 ut of the 4 times i've had to ask him out, and on the dates i've been the one to make the first move which bothers me a lot (its not something i normally do)the attraction and chemistry seems to be there, and the dates have never seemed awkward. also i figured that if he didnt like me, he wouldnt agree to go on further dates!the problem is i like this guy A LOT. i dont even know why.. i find him elusive. when we talk online its all very casual.. we flirt a lot, joke about different things but after all this time.. there hasnt been anything from him about what he wants from me.. i.e. is it just a casual friendship or does he want more?the easiest thing would be to ask him, but i feel i wouldnt get a straight answer. also i dont want him to think im pushing things. i try my best to act cool.. like not text him too much or wait for him to talk to me on msn first (which sometimes doesnt happen)after each date i keep expecting him to give me the whole 'im not ready to start seeing anyone yet' speech or for him just to ignore me.. but it doesnt happen. i know he talks to other people online (although they live much further away.) i also talk to others online, but because i like this guy so much i havent been on any dates with them.another thing i feel i should add in here is that on our last date we slept together. we were both drunk, and it was probably too soon for it to happen, but i dont regret it. i'm not sure if he does though. we havent really discussed it properly as it was only the other night.i'm pretty sure he's not a 'player' or one of these guys who go online dating for an ego boost. in fact from what i know he's a really genuine, caring guy, and if anything.. it was me who intiated sex on our last date. so i know he's not just one of these guys out for casual encounters.so whats going on? am i worrying about nothing?is it too soon to be wondering where its all going? if i havent ruined it now by jumping into bed with him..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): Hmm, my bet is that he is probably thinking all the same things about you! He doesn't want to seem overly keen, and is trying to 'play it cool'. Otherwise he could be afraid of commitment and of opening up his feelings.
I reckon you should talk to him straight up (online if it would be easier) and ask what he thinks of you and where he sees things going, you have every right to know whether you are wasting your time on this guy or not!! From his reaction you can then get a clearer idea. He could say he really likes you etc, or he could be like "i'm not sure what i want" which would be a sign he is one of those confused commitment phobic types and you would have to decide if you want to continue.... Good luck anyway!
A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (10 August 2008):
 Well, from the American point of view (LOL), this does not seem all that unusual. It would not seem that some casual sexual activity at your age could be a disaster unless it results in unwanted pregnancy, disease or mental/physical harm. But you say that you "don't regret it." Fair enough. You will know if you "ruined it" if he resists a continuing relationship. It MAY be the start of something very good . . . happens all the time.
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